The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 3

Deep underground, five adventurers debated whether to continue dungeoneering. Godwin and Heiwae Mann, demoralised and injured, called it quits and went back to base camp. 

The remaining three, eager for more glory and gold, chose to stick it out.

• Haisam, a Necromancer.
• Gavel, a Fighter.
• Lalo, a Cleric.

The party, with their flask of snake ambrosia, cured the Leper-Chaun. He introduced himself as Wanamingo and sheepishly revealed the bear trap hiding beneath the pile of illusory treasure. As payment for their help, the fairy gave the adventurers valuable intel - the spores were a weapon employed by a dwarven clan of necromancers and slavers. 

The dwarves were clever, preferring technology over magic to control their undead. With hypersonic whistles and bizarre talismans, whose geometries reflected their zombie's echolocation, they trained friend-foe recognition into their reanimated slaves.

In the common tongue, their name was "The Deadlifters". A killteam of the halfmen was in the dungeon, spraying bioweapons and dispatching fungal revenants to flush the fairy out.

The Weekly Roll

Why were they here? The Deadlifters had massacred Wanamingo's people for collaborating with the Dark Elves - their wartime adversaries. In revenge, he'd robbed the tomb of a war hero. 

The dwarves hadn't taken it well.

When asked to see the pilfered treasure, the leprechaun produced a comically large sack filled with gilded burial armour, platinum jewellery and rune-carved bones. Wanamingo offered equal shares to each adventurer - if they got him away from the dwarves. 

The party agreed, but heeded the fairy's warning that the Deadlifters were able to track the armour somehow - they'd been pursuing him relentlessly for days. They chose to leave the loot in Wanamingo's warded hideout, gambling the dwarves wouldn't be able to find it whilst they continued exploring. They'd come back for the leprechaun and his stash on their way out. 

In marching order, the three adventurers made course for the river fork they'd previously ignored, discovering it sloped downwards into a lower area of the dungeon. With no room either side of the river, they hammered in pitons and rope as a makeshift handrail before carefully making their way down the slippery slope.

They found themselves knee-deep in a flooded armoury. Ancient bronze weapons glittered on the floor and waterlogged containers floated in the freezing water. With Gavel standing guard, the cleric and necromancer sifted through the wreckage for valuables, finding:

• A waterproof suit of leather armour, made from dragon scales.
• A reflective bronze shield, surface polished to a mirror sheen.
• A 6-foot bronze staff, with strange protrusions at its tip.

Suspecting the staff was a key for opening the ophidian font, the adventurers ascended back up the sloping passage and waded their way to the baptismal chamber. Haisam inserted the staff into the locking mechanism and attempted to open the statue's mouth. The bronze gears refused to move until the sorcerer focused on the staff - causing it to expel a burst of magic. 

With the grinding of ancient machinery, the jaws sprung open and released a flood of ambrosia. It quickly suffused the river, burning away spores and flowing downstream towards Fallowfields.

Satisfied they'd completed the colonist's quest, but concerned about a wandering monster hearing the racket, the party retreated back to Wanamingo's cave. Whilst the others got drunk with the leprechaun, Haisam identified the three magic items they'd recovered:

• +1 Leather Armour of Fire Resistance.
• +1 Shield.
• Staff of Opening, casts Hold Portal and Knock 1/day each.

With fasts broken and bellies filled with wine, the party chose to hole up in the warded hideout and rest for a few hours, before fleeing the dungeon with Wanamingo in tow.

The leprechaun kicked the sleeping adventurers awake - pointing out the fat spores drifting through the illusory wall and the sounds of muffled voices. Creeping forward, the party saw three dwarves clad in blackened maille investigating the waterfall.

The adventurers had Wanamingo use ventriloquism to draw two Deadlifters towards the flooded armoury, but their leader stayed behind - listening for movement. Worried about being discovered, the adventurers struck first - surging out from hiding and attacking the dwarf. 

The black-bearded halfman put up a good fight, but was slain by Gavel's blade. With roars of anger, the surviving dwarves charged the adventurers. With no way out but through, Lalo and Gavel rushed to engage. As the two sides struggled in a vicious melee, Haisam chanted an incantation and raised the dead dwarf's corpse, commanding it to attack its allies.

Blight of the Immortals

The sight of their zombified leader shattered the Deadlifters morale, causing them to flee in terror. Unbeknownst to the adventures, they'd hit upon the clan's most unspeakable cultural taboo - being reanimated. Undead were lower than the lowest of slaves.

The party didn't pursue the dwarves, instead taking the dead halfman's command whistle and retreating out of the dungeon. Though they came across a pair of fungal zombies, they confused them by whistling conflicting commands and ran past unharmed.

With a king's ransom of loot, their quest complete and the possibility of retaliation from the Deadlifters, the adventurers packed up their camp. Packs laden with treasure, the soldiers of fortune hiked along the river back to Fallowfields - intending to claim their reward.

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 2

With bodies rested and bellies filled with sheep's cheese and hardtack, five adventurers journeyed back to the ancient temple. 

• Haisam, a Necromancer.
• Gavel, a Fighter.
• Godwin the Green, a Fighter.
• Heiwae Mann, a Thief.
• Lalo, a Cleric.

The rope they'd secured up the rapids was still in position, untampered with since their last delve. The party climbed into the dungeon's flooded central chamber, unspiked the waiting room door and dispatched Heiwae Mann to scout ahead.

The room was quiet, but this gave little comfort - undead made no noise. The thief spotted two anomalies, once his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Gavel's rope was missing from the north corridor and the bronze doors to the south were closed shut. The party's activities must have disrupted the long dormancy of the temple's guardians. 

Still, the room was unoccupied. Until the locked door to the east opened.

Heiwae Mann fled back to the party in a panic, jabbering about something entering the room. The adventurers strained their senses, but couldn't detect whatever was lurking in the dark. So, with a thrown torch dispelling the inky blackness, they swept inside with weapons drawn.

Although the now illuminated room appeared empty, Heiwae Mann's roguish instincts told him the eastern door was now unlocked. Perhaps they'd scared off the intruder, and it left the door unsecured in its retreat. With his companions standing guard and the torch providing light, the thief snuck forward to peek through the keyhole.

A bloodshot eyeball stared right back at him.

By Jorgo Photography

Acting on instinct, he jabbed a lockpick through the keyhole - lacerating the stranger's face. With a bellowed curse in Draconic, a very angry ghoul burst through the door. Heiwae Mann fled in terror, Haisam prepared a spell and Godwin surged forward to protect the backliners.

Though the monster piled no less than six paralysing attacks against the fighter, they clattered harmlessly against his thick maille and shield. Ironically, the party counterattacked by paralysing the ghoul with an immoblising curse and hacking it apart as it lay helpless on the floor.

Victorious, Haisam gleefully severed the paralysing claws of the ghoul for later use and Heiwae Mann took its set of skeleton keys (bespoke lockpicks carved from human bones). 

The room beyond the locked door was the temple's prison. According to the mosaics on the wall (and all the human and kobold skeletons locked in bronze cages) the detainees had been a mixture of POWs and pilgrims who got cold feet about being baptised. The ghoul had turned the prison into its den, gnawing on the countless bones and splitting them open for marrow.

The prison had two serpentman-sized passageways stretching to the north and south. Easy to traverse for the temple's slithering occupants, but obtuse for any losers walking on two legs. Despite Lalo's protestations, the party examined the southern passage with Haisam's hand mirror - seeing nine skeletal snakemen standing guard. 

Heiwae Mann encouraged to Lalo to corner the skeletons with Turn Undead, so he could burn them out with oil flasks. Unsurprisingly, the cleric vetoed the plan.

At an impasse, the party doubled back to the flooded chamber and followed the northwestern cave - hoping to find the polluted river's source. After a few minutes of travel, Godwin noticed something glittering below the water's surface. He called a halt, and fished out his mithril platter to go panning in the infected stream. 

As the fighter carefully searched for valuables, Heiwae Mann spotted a collapsed wall on the other side of the river. Lithely jumping across the fast-flowing water, he crept forward with a raised torch - only to immediately retreat after four zombies staggered out of the darkness. 

The reanimated corpses operated by echolocation, blinded by the fungal plating covering their faces, filling the cave with awful clicking noises as they charged the adventurers. 

Clickers, from The Last Of Us

As the party turned to meet the assault, Lalo shouted a warning. A bizarre fungal lifeform - a watermelon-sized orb of rotting flesh - was also floating down the river towards them. It locomoted by releasing blasts of the same spores that had raised the undead before them.

Combat began in the party's favour. Heiwae Mann shot the floating thing before it reached them, causing it to explode in a shower of spores. Two zombies were dropped by a volley of holy water and arrows. But once the monsters closed the distance, things turned for the worse.

Lalo's attempt to Turn Undead failed and Heiwae Mann was dragged down, watching in horror as a zombie clamped its teeth down on his bicep. Lalo dragged the screaming thief to safety - forcing the monster back with strikes of his mace. Godwin fared no better - after his shield was torn to pieces, he was knocked to the floor and brutalised by a zombie's frenzied onslaught. 

Miraculously, the combat was resolved without causalities. Gavel and the injured Heiwae Mann pincushioned the monster attacking Lalo with a flurry of bowshots. Meanwhile, Godwin's desperate flailing had knocked his assailant into a rocky outcropping - dashing its brains out.

Seriously injured and fearing fungal infection, Heiwae Mann and Godwin rushed back to the baptismal font - bathing their wounds with the golden fluid. The ambrosia knitted flesh back together and purged spores from their bloodstreams. If the endless supply of free healing magic had any deleterious side effects, they didn't make themselves known.

By u/TarikHavoc on Reddit

Meanwhile, Lalo recovered the valuables Godwin had panned from the river, which Haisam identified as a fistful of Dwarven funerary emeralds (some clans would place engraved gems on the eyes of their dead before interning them in the earth).

Interestingly, the dead fungal floater and zombies (who appeared to have originally been Dark Elves) had Dwarven runes tattooed onto their flesh. None of the adventurers spoke the language, but Haisam took sketches of the runes - hoping find a translator back in Fallowfields.

With the path now cleared and spore cloud dispersed, the party assembled into marching order and pushed onwards. Before long, the river forked and flowed into a lower area of the dungeon. The party ignored the fork, continuing to follow the river and soon finding its source - a natural cavern with a waterfall cascading from a hole in the rockface 30-feet up. 

The water here was crystal clear. Perhaps the party had solved the blight? Though it did seem hard to believe a watermelon-sized creature could pollute an entire river. As the adventurers mused over their discovery, Heiwae Mann noticed footprints in the sand around the plunge pool. The prints were small - like a goblin or young child.

Curious as to their origin, he tried to clamber up the wall behind the waterfall to reach the opening. But as he reached to grab the slick rockface, his hand found nothing but air. With a gleeful shout, the thief used his sword to dispel the illusory wall.

From Magic: The Gathering

Gavel took point to clear the hidden room, narrowly avoiding a pit trap concealed by another illusion. As the party picked their way around the jagged hole, they noticed two things. First, a large pile of treasure just sitting on the floor - a small fortune of gems, coins and gold bars. It didn't reflect torchlight like usual, leading the adventurers to suspect it too was illusory.

Second, a poorly-muffled coughing fit was coming from somewhere nearby. Unable to see the source, the party shouted out for the invisible being to reveal itself. After receiving no response, Heiwae Mann lit an oil flask - intending to burn it out. With a panicked yelp, a very unhealthy leprechaun (dubbed the Leper-Chaun by Haisam) dispelled its invisibility and begged for its life.

By Vincent-Covielloart on DeviantArt

The fairy was suffering from a late-stage fungal infection - it constantly coughed bloody phlegm into a clenched fist. After some tense negotiation (the adventurers not trusting the treasure horde was real), they agreed to cure it in exchange for information and loot. 

Heiwae Mann volunteered to fetch ambrosia from the ophidian font, emptying his oil flask and rushing off into the darkness.

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 1

The colony of Fallowfields has suffered a sudden blight. Crops wither and animals die. Some of the dead livestock rise from the grave as fungal monstrosities.

A group of shepherds, braver than most, have tracked the sickness to a fouled river. Its source is a mountain-side cave three days walk from the settlement. They say they found something inside the grotto - a pair of ancient bronze doors, embossed with decorations of strange men with the bodies of serpents. 

The colony's financial backers have posted a reward of 2,000 gold pieces for whoever stops the blight. The merchants won't pay anymore, make the reward bigger and it'd be cheaper to just abandon the affected farmland. Thankfully, there's always the "graverobber's fee" - first spoils on any treasure found within.

Five adventurers had taken the colonists up on their offer. After a hike along the polluted river, they stood inside the cave - eager to claim the riches inside.

• Haisam, a priest of Anubis.
• Gavel, a travelling sellsword.
• Godwin the Green, a noble bastard.
• Heiwae Mann, a thieving bastard.
• Lalo, a cleric of Fat Sun.

Those shepherds hadn't lied. A corroded pair of bronze doors stood at the end of a stone staircase. 12-feet across, they depicted a pair of snarling serpentmen locking shields together. 

But it wasn't the only entrance into the dungeon. The infected river originated from a jagged hole in the cave wall (and worked stone could be seen in the room beyond). Most of the adventurers opted for the bronze doors, not wanting to negotiate a set of underground rapids. Heiwae Mann had no such reservations, and began climbing the uneven slope.

By Burnley Bouldering, on WordPress

Ignoring the thief's solo escapades, the party approached the towering doors. They were ajar, and the skeleton of a serpentman could be seen inside. Not wanting to squeeze in single file, Godwin flexed his muscles and forced the doors open. The room inside was effectively an airlock, with a similar set of double doors ahead and a pair of stone statues on either side.

Upon entering however, the skeleton suddenly animated - picking up a bronze mace as its bones assembled themselves. Fortunately, it didn't appear aggressive. After a pantomimed conversation, and some logical deductions from the theologically-inclined Lalo, the party discovered:

• The dungeon was a temple to Yig, the vengeful god of the serpentmen.
• The temple had been destroyed by a dragon attack, who blasted the hole that the river now flowed from.
• The reptile's fiery breath had sucked out all the oxygen inside the dungeon and suffocated the snakes hiding inside.

Meanwhile, Heiwae Mann stood inside a dark room filled with the sound of rushing water. Having no torches to illuminate his surroundings, nor a rope to secure, he stood around listlessly and strained his ears. Hearing nothing, he reluctantly climbed back down and rejoined the party.

By the time he arrived, the adventurers were challenging the skeleton to a game of chance. It had a sack of ancient coins inside its rib cage, and was willing to gamble with them. The party pooled their wealth to make a pot and Lalo (a worshipper of the god of luck) tossed the dice.

Snake Eyes

But as the skeleton gleefully collected its winnings, Heiwae Mann sneakily swapped its coins for a fistful of rocks. None the wiser to being robbed blind, the undead opened the bronze doors to the temple - believing the party to be pilgrims.

The next chamber was some sort of a waiting room, filled with rows of stone benches and mosaics of imperial propaganda. Scanning the room, the adventurers saw a simple bronze door to the west, a long hallway to the north and a fortified stone door with a sliding eye-slit to the east.

Haisam, Heiwae Mann and Gavel listened at the western door, hearing running water. Probably the darkened room the thief had climbed into earlier. Lalo listened at the locked eastern door and heard clicking sounds from deeper within, like another door mechanism being engaged. Meanwhile, Godwin kept watch and examined the room's mosaics.

Most depicted human pilgrims travelling to the temple and bowing before their ophidian overlords. Others showed a war against a fire-breathing dragon, along with its legions of kobold and human cultists. Lalo mused that the temple might've served as a recruitment office, to conscript new soldiers for the war effort.

The party settled on heading west. Opening the bronze door, they found themselves in a vaulted chamber with three large pits in the floor. The underground river had eroded through the north-western wall, where it now filled the room's pits and flowed down the rapids to the world outside. Searching the room revealed a statue sticking out of the north wall - a gigantic serpent's head carved from black soapstone with jaws that articulated via interlocking bronze gears. 

Haisam pointed out the apparatus was activated by gearbox on the floor, but it was missing a key component - probably some sort of a long, metal lever. Further examination revealed the mouth wasn't properly secured, allowing a trickle of golden fluid to dribble onto the floor. 

Godwin volunteered to try some, licking a droplet off his finger. It burned his tongue like a hot coal, but invigorated his body. Gavel experimented further by introducing the fluid into the infected water. With a fizzle, the ambrosia destroyed several spores before being diluted away.

Inspecting some surviving mosaics, Lalo hypothesized the room was a form of baptismal font. When opened, the bizarre fountain would fill the three pits and human worshippers of Yig would submerge themselves in the golden fluid. This baptism appeared to rejuvenate participants, but it wasn't clear if it had any side effects.

Examining the river revealed it had naturally eroded its way into the dungeon. It's origin was a narrow cave that stretched off into the darkness, from which faint sound of a waterfall could be heard. The spores kept getting thicker the further upstream they went, so the adventurers decided to investigate a nearby collapsed wall instead.

Inside was the temple's banquet hall. The snakes had been hosting a feast when they died - the room was filled with skeletons and long-rotted food. After ensuring the corpses weren't reanimating, the party busied themselves bundling silvery cutlery into a tablecloth for later collection. Godwin was especially pleased to find a mithril platter of dwarven origin, which he shoved in his pack for safekeeping.

Loot secured, the party decided to properly sweep the previous area. Back in the waiting room, Heiwae Mann and Haisam tried to bypass the locked door whilst the others searched the hallway to the north. The yawning passage was lined with statues of martyred war heroes, all wielding maces and shields. It was surprisingly long, terminating well beyond the party's torchlight.

Unable to breach the eastern door, the party assembled into marching order and started walking down the hallway. After a few minutes of careful progress, Haisam called a halt - the floor tiles ahead looked suspiciously intricate. Whilst the necromancer analysed the carvings for arcane glyphs, the rest of the party searched the surrounding statues for clues. Godwin discovered a seam in a snakemen's shield arm, allowing it to rotate sideways.

The adventurers tied Gavel’s rope around the arm and retreated, unsure if the floor trap and articulating arm were related. Godwin gave a hearty tug, causing the shield to rotate 90° and lock into position. Then, with a low grating sound, the statue lifted up to reveal a secret door. Emboldened, the party had Heiwae Mann throw a piece of masonry at the suspicious tiles, promptly triggering a hidden Alarm spell.

A loud snake rattle echoed throughout the dungeon, in sync with the scraping noise of more statues rising into the air. One was at the beginning of the corridor, the other from deeper within. It was fortunate the party had indirectly triggered the alarm - else they would've been surrounded by the skeleton horde now pouring out of the hidden tunnels.

As the party turned to flee, they saw torchlight behind them - a posse of shepherds had bumbled into the dungeon to seek their fortune. Lalo shouted out a warning to the confused herdsmen before the party retreated into the flooded room and spiked the door behind them. Screams and the sounds of combat echoed from the dark as the party hastily collected their silver, anchored a rope to the top of the rapids and rappelled out of the dungeon.

Reaching the cave floor, the adventurers saw the terrified peasants dragging the mutilated corpse of their ringleader to safety - the skeletons hadn't pursued them beyond the temple doors. Upon reaching daylight, they chastised the shepherds for their recklessness and for not leaving dungeoneering to the professionals.

Before the despondent colonists returned to Fallowfields, the party paid them handsomely for their spare supplies (and to spread word that the dungeon was off-limits to level 0 normies). The party finished a successful day of tombrobbing by establishing a fortified camp on a nearby hilltop and burying all their treasure in a concealed pit.

The Grug In The Dark - MCA

Choose rockbanger. Choose berrypicker. Choose black fur and matching war mask. Choose flint tool stolen from shaman with wide range of fucking attachments. Choose bang away at mind-numbing, sanity-crushing thing from beyond stars, wonder whether grug better off stuffing rock in own mouth. Choose Chieftain in Yellow and wake up wondering who grug are. Choose 9 kilogram retirement plan. Choose go out with rockbang at end of it all, PGP-encrypting last message down securely laid smoke signal as Rust Covered Arrowhead wetgrug bust into cave.

Choose one last Night at the Bunga.

Choose Moss Covered Arrowhead.

By Fee Fi Fo Fin, on Blogspot

Created by Mellonbread & Co., Moss Covered Arrowhead (MCA) is a satirical hack of Delta Green where you play as a secretive clan of cavemen battling the Mythos in neolithic times.

It's a lot of fun. I suspect rolling back Delta Green's gameplay to its most "primal" has something to do with it. Your equipment is whatever you craft. Your allies are your immediate friends and family. Your authority derives from your personal reputation and direct monopoly on violence.

Or it might be all the clubbing and bunga puns.

Either way, I wrote a Shotgun Scenario for MCA! It's based on a throwaway line in Gene Wolfe's "The Claw of the Conciliator". It's also heavily inspired by the Conan short stories written by Robert E. Howard. The playtest on N@TO was very popular. Hopefully you like it too.

Here's the scenario document.

Magnificent Tophat over on Spears and Spreadsheets also made a custom character sheet that we used in the playtest.

Manor of Montecruz - Session 2

Four adventurers stood in the Manor's hidden basement. There was no doubt that this place had become a den for smugglers. There was treasure to be had in retaking it.

Before they could push onwards, a nearby crate flew open and a filthy man tumbled out. Once bound with coarse ropes, he'd been freed by the gnawing of a trio of rats. Seeing the adventurers, the man introduced himself as "Vermin-Tongue", but hastily amended his title to "Vee" upon seeing their scornful reactions.

"The Lonely Rat Boy", from Dishonored

Vee explained he was a native of Restenburn, who'd snuck up here with his coterie of well-trained rats, discovered the smuggler den and tried to rob it. The heist hadn't gone great.

With need of a vaguely competent rogue, the party asked if he wanted join them. Vee happily agreed to assist fighting his would-be-captors.

Now five strong, the mercenaries arrayed themselves:

• Cornyx, Level 1 Warrior-Priest. 

• Dr. Holmen, Level 1 Chirurgeon.

• Malakai, Level 1 Templar.

• Vee, Level 1 Rat-Whisperer.

• Yvonne, Level 1 Illusionist.

A wet gurgle drew Dr. Holmen's attention. The smuggler that Cornyx and Malakai had clobbered was, impressively, still alive. Wanting intel, the doctor roused him from unconsciousness.

He explained the gang's grift - their leader used illusion magic to make the Manor look like a haunted house, thus keeping people away from the criminal's smuggling operations. Satisfied, the party tied him up alongside Ned and moved further into the dungeon.

The adventurers entered a series of sea caves and, by using Vee's rats to scout ahead, managed to ambush a trio of smugglers gambling around a lantern - slitting their throats in the dark. They continued their stealthy approach by bushwhacking more patrolling smugglers, before Vee whiffed a sneak attack against a pair of sentries.

With the hue-and-cry raised, Cornyx tried to bumrush the two criminals but was mortally wounded by a bullet to the chest and an axe to the jaw. Hearing the gunshot, the gang's sorcerous leader and his two Brugor minions burst out of a nearby door. 

Combat was joined. Holmen and Vee exchanged missile fire with the remaining smugglers. Malakai dragged Cornyx's ruined body behind friendly lines as bullets, slingstones and spells whizzed overhead. Yvonne unleashed her signature Colour Spray into the open doorway, stunning the Brugor but failing to incapacitate the rival illusionist. 

He promptly floored her and Malakai with the exact same spell.

Just as things seemed to turn against the party, Holmen took drastic action. Using his expertise in experimental medicine, he "saved" Cornyx's life by replacing his ruined jaw with the massive mandibles he'd harvested from the giant ant. The half-dead barbarian, veins suffused with healing magic and a Haste potion, launched himself into combat and masticated a smuggler to death.

TF2's "Meet The Medic"

Next, Holmen used his Neutral alignment language to calm the confused Brugor - Yvonne's Colour Spray having shaken them out of their Charm Person spell. The freed beastmen demonstrated their new allegiance by first dismembering their master and then helping the adventurers slaughter the surviving smugglers to a man.

With the battle over, the adventurers thanked the Brugor for their assistance. The hulking mutants expressed gratitude in Neutral, before leaving the dungeon to find their tribe in the surrounding hills. The party gathered an appreciable stockpile of smuggled valuables, whilst Cornyx cremated their dead foes - singing curses to burn their rotten souls in the afterlife. 

As the barbarian conducted his rites, Holmen discovered a shrine to Great Moon, the patron goddess of burglars, murderers and other nighttime ne'er-do-wells. Noticing an empty offering bowl, the doctor  placed an empty coin purse into it - reasoning that no worshipper of a thief-goddess would willingly give away hard-earned treasure. He heard an effeminate chuckle from the shrine, before it cracked open and released a mercurial liquid into the bowl. A quick test revealed it to be an invisibility potion, which the grinning surgeon quickly bottled up.

Ball Park Music

With the fighting done and the Manor of Montecruz retaken, the party split their loot, ransomed their captives and discussed what to do next. Yvonne and Cornyx chose to go their separate ways; the wizard staying to rebuild her family's ancestral manse whilst the priest went on a pilgrimage to digest his near-death experience. 

But Dr. Holmen, Malakai and Vee decided their adventuring days weren't over, not yet. Word of their exploits would no doubt spread, bringing grander adventurers to come. 

This was the final session of an abortive attempt at a broader campaign. Yvonne and Cornyx's players disliked the rules of Begone FOE!, and the OSR genre itself. Fortunately, although they decided to leave the game, my other three players were happy to continue playing.

So instead of continuing my planned campaign, I chose to run them through a self-contained scenario, inspired by Mellonbread's minidungeons. I'll be writing more play reports for that scenario, plus a proper masterpost for when we finish playtesting it.

I'm also considering creating a review for the "Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh" on this blog. The module's flaws outweighed its positives, creating a poor introduction to old-school gaming for my players. Either way, here's the custom maps I used for running it, as previously promised.

Ghost Town Gunfight

Fallout: New Vegas

Four federal agents stood on the eastern side of Rogers Dry Lake, shivering in the freezing cold of the Mojave night. Agent Smith doled out freshly milled bullets of nickel and iron, a crude imitation of the “sky metal” their quarry was weak to. Allegedly. 

Agent Deacon memorised the antiquated Japanese needed to summon the entity to their location, from wherever it was currently hunting hapless Californians. Meanwhile, Agent Thorn busied herself with a hastily assembled binding ritual, greedily hoping to establish control over whatever her coworker manifested from beyond the veil.

Finally, Agent Leon dug an entrenched position for the conspirators’ insurance policy - an M2 Browning he’d liberated from the base armory with bogus paperwork. As far as Edwards AFB knew, this was all just a live-fire exercise on the lakebed that they weren’t cleared for.

With all the pieces on the board, Deacon stubbed out his cheap cigarette and enunciated the summoning ritual. Nothing happened. He cleared his cancer-ridden throat nervously, unsure whether his learnt-by-rote phonetic pronunciation had been sufficient. Then there was a burst of Cherenkov radiation above a stretch of desert barely two dozen yards away.

The thing was huge; a slab of crimson flesh clutching a wooden bludgeon in clawed hands. And it was fast - faster than any of them. Its cinder-block feet crunched through dried earth, easily dodging fire from Leon’s machine gun, and was upon Deacon in an instant. The panicked G-man raised his shotgun, revealing a tree-branch-like symbol he’d affixed below the barrel. 

The ogre glanced at the sigil. It laughed.

Katsushika Hokusai

Deacon fired at it. His gun exploded. The poorly made nickel-iron slug had destroyed the barrel. He cursed Smith and his stupid fucking plan as the monster’s kanabō came down, sending a tangled mess of broken bones flying into a sandbank.

Thorn desperately shrieked out the lengthy binding ritual, but was barely through a tenth of it by the time Deacon was struck down. Ignoring its would-be-master, the oni charged down Agent Smith as the terrified ranger’s shots went wide. Before it had the chance to sunder his skull, Leon released another frantic burst of 50. BMG.

A spray of aerosolized blood and fleshy chunks filled the air. It wasn’t the demon’s - it was barely staggered by the bullets ricocheting off its skin. Agent Smith, hit by a stray round to the centre mass, had been torn in half. His bisected body thudded to the blood-soaked sand.

Leon couldn’t take it. The green-on-green incident cracked his already damaged mind, so he fired ineffectually until his barrel melted off and then fled screaming into the night.

Forgoing hypergeometry in favour of her rifle, Thorn abandoned the binding ritual and put a nickel-iron .308 round into the beast’s shoulder. The impact threw it off balance, giving her space to avoid the next swing of its terrifying war club. As the ranger attempted to cycle her weapon and fend off the ogre, Deacon struggled to his feet in spite of his shattered ribs.

Their greed had screwed them. Binding the murderous horror was no longer an option, it needed to go. Deacon staggered over to the ruined body of Smith, the mortally wounded agent seconds away from expiration. With a gurgled apology, Deacon drew a boot knife and hastened his end. Smearing the dead man’s blood into bizarre patterns, the half-mad FBI agent used his human sacrifice to fuel a brute-force banishment. What they should’ve done to begin with.

The oni roared in anger, but another slug of bootleg meteor from Thorn sent it staggering. Before it could regain its footing, it was grabbed by some unseen force and pulled through a pin-sized hole in reality. Deacon promptly collapsed comatose onto Smith’s ritually mutilated body.

He woke up hours later in the back seat of a Chevy Tahoe, lying in a mixture of sand, torn clothing and someone else's blood. Thorn was driving, but Leon was nowhere to be seen (he was busy being manhandled into a Edwards AFB police cruiser by a squad of blue berets). Deacon winced, but not because of his missing teammate or his three broken ribs. 

He’d lost his fucking smokes.

This is a partial after-action report of a N@TO game. I didn't run it, I was playing under #Misfit138. I just wanted to write up the finale of the session, as it was a great little clusterfuck. I was playing as Special Agent Deacon.