Sunday, December 14, 2025

Revisiting The Directory


Eduardo Valdés-Hevia

Over the past couple months I've finally settled on a formatting style I like; it's only taken me ~4 years to make my various TTRPG products look cohesive. To celebrate I decided to revisit the scenario directory I made for my Delta Green content a few years back. 

Dragoleaf's Directory now has all of my work in one place. I'll be linking it under "My TTRPG Content", as well as on the N@TO Discord. If you're a player of mine and notice something is missing, let me know via a comment here or a direct message through Discord. 

In addition to compiling all my content, I've also gone through and updated everything to the unified format I mention prior. I haven't revisited any unfinished scenarios yet, that's on the backburner until I complete the projects I'm currently working on.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thursday, December 11, 2025

Puer Delicatus - A Delta Green Scenario


Fee Fi Fo Fin

The blog is called "Federal Agent Make-Believe", yet it never posts Delta Green content.

How curious...

Wednesday, December 3, 2025

The Bloody Marches - Session Five

Two adventurers and their hirelings reentered the FLOODED FORGE, eager to finish the fumigation and claim loot of the highest craftdwarfship.

  • Burned Leaves, Elf 2.
  • Heiwae Mann, Thief 5.
  • Sven, Orc 1.
  • Varg, Dwarf 2.
With Heiwae's Infravision spell still active, the whole party could see in the dark and so decided to forgo torches. They struck up a conversation with the Cyclorc sentries, learning about an "evil rock" that screamed at the greenmen in a language they didn't recognise. They also mentioned their tribe's giant war rat was marooned to the North, surrounded in a flooded chamber by headless skeletons.


Alan Lee

Thursday, November 27, 2025

The Bloody Marches - Session Four

The Brood Snatcher lay anchored in the demesne of Ingmaind the Ascending, counting their coin and mourning their losses. An outrigger from the Shattered Islands approached, the grinning captain bringing adventuring supplies to exchange for hard-earned treasure.

Also aboard the karakoa was a somber Axedwarf from the Mountainhomes. He said he was a friend of Father Dewyd, journeying on a quest to slay the daimones that killed his drinking buddy. The party eagerly welcomed their newest recruit and arrayed themselves for further adventure:

  • Burned Leaves, Elf 2.
  • Godwin the Green, Fighter 3.
  • Heiwae Mann, Thief 4.
  • Robin, Cleric 3.
  • Varg, Dwarf 2.

Shanty

Friday, November 7, 2025

The Bloody Marches - Session Three

Five adventurers arrayed themselves on the SINKING TOWER's third floor, ready to descend to the penultimate layer of the dungeoncrawl.

  • Dewyd the Pious, Friar 2 of Beer & Bread.
  • Godwin the Green, Fighter 3.
  • Heiwae Mann, Thief 4.
  • Robin, Cleric 2 of Phantom Limb.
  • Burned Leaves, Elf 1 (retainer of Godwin).

Having hired Perry the Homunculus, the gang quizzed him for information. The mutant said the second level was a flooded library; where the skinkmen fled after he tortured them in self-defence. The party used the monotreme's alchemy skills and Dewyd's brewing expertise to bottle some clerical miracles, distilling monster organs into draughts of wound closure and liquid courage.

Tuesday, October 28, 2025

The Bloody Marches - Session Two

Five adventurers stood on the fourth floor of the SINKING TOWER, busy fumigating a wizard's basement in preparation for some magical construction.

  • Dewyd the Pious, Friar 1 of Beer & Bread.
  • Godwin the Green, Fighter 3.
  • Heiwae Mann, Thief 3.
  • Robin, Cleric 1 of Phantom Limb.
  • Burned Leaves, Elf 1 (retainer of Godwin).
Gavel had volunteered to guard the Brood Snatcher, not trusting the drug-addled blaster caster. He'd lent Godwin his enchanted sickle-sword for killing magical critters.

Dragonbane

Thursday, October 23, 2025

The Bloody Marches - Session One, Part Two

With daylight dwindling, the six adventurers went searching for safe anchorage. Hearing tales of traders from the Shattered Islands in the nearby swamps, they soon found the the islanders' outpost, outriggers and stilted huts smelling of fish, spice and woodsmoke.

The adventurers noticed a Triton selling artefacts from a caracoa. Athanasius the Saltman wore an Amulet of Airbreathing and had a bevy of magic items for sale. Godwin tried selling him some Beers of Beard Growth. Despite the Saltman lacking any hair follicles, the fighter managed exchange two flasks for a scroll of Continual Light.

Magic: The Gathering

The Bloody Marches - Session One, Part One

An adventuring party stood on the Brood Snatcher, a riverboat crewed by lizardmen and buccaneers. Their destination was the Bloody Marches, a stretch of frontier bordering the collapsed Serpent Empire, a land of twisting waterways, dense swamps and primordial forests.

  • Gavel, Fighter 3.
  • Godwin the Green, Fighter 3.
  • Heiwae Mann, Thief 3.
  • Robin, Cleric 1 of Phantom Limb.
  • Burned Leaves, Elf 1 (retainer of Godwin).
  • Dewyd the Pious, Friar 1 of Beer & Bread (absentee player).

Gathered around a freshly drawn map, the party noted the location of Serpentman ruins deep in the Marches. Robin, acting as their local guide, cautioned the area would be filled with superpredators, unnatural horrors and tribes of hostile monstermen. Best pursue some easier jobs first, lest they get turned inside out by an overlevelled random encounter.

Arkadi Rylov

Tuesday, October 21, 2025

Pelts For XP - Hex Collection 6

William Tylee Ranney

With the playtest well underway, it's time to finish the last few hexes. I've also got a few outstanding minidungeons to complete, which should be done in the coming days. 

MEDUSA'S MANSE
This swamp hex has gravel paths made from hundreds of petrified bugs and rodents. They converge on a macabre stone hut of piled earth and calcified animals stacked upon one another. In front of the house is four "statues" of Plated Gator-Rats (CC2), caught mid-snarl.

The hut is 30x30' in size, with no windows and a crude door of driftwood and hides. The interior is 10' deeper than ground level, filled with statues of petrified humans, Orcs, Voormi, Blue-Tongues etc. Unsurprisingly it's the lair of a Medusa (OSE). The monsterwoman is unique insofar as she can undo her petrification, which she abuses to unleash the trapped Gator-Rats on trespassers.

Monday, October 20, 2025

Pelts For XP - Hex Collection 5

Andrew Knez, Jr.

Penultimate hex collection post. I start the playtest tomorrow, so I'll be relying on crib notes if my players reach any unkeyed hexes. I doubt they'll get that far, but it's fine if they do. 

Full credit to Primeumaton for coming up with Uave Twice-Burnt and Izaak Compleat.

HANGTOOTH BLUFF
This hex of riverside cliffs is home to the Hangtooth, a tribe of ten Weretigers (OSE) and the four Sabretooths (OSE) they tamed. The beastmen act like stereotypical barbarians, fighting naked with chert spears, but they're just pissant dirt farmers mutated by Serpentman bioweapons. 

These posers hunt for their food, including humans. They eat plenty of animals who think and speak, so it's really only fair. The tigers accept surrender, but only if you volunteer something (or someone) for the larder. This doesn't include rations, only fresh corpses (they dislike cooked meat and violently gag at the sight of vegetables).

Friday, October 17, 2025

Three Generic Minidungeons

I need to round out my hexcrawl with some dungeons to plunder, there's too many unmapped locations filled with hordes of high HD monsters. Dungeons are a style of play with far greater options for risk mitigation.

This post uses the "Generic Maps" in the Monster Overhaul. I haven't used any of its statblocks, because I don't know how well they map to OSE and I'm already referencing three different bestiaries.

Saturday, October 11, 2025

Pelts For XP - Hex Collection 4

Albert Tucker

Time for a quickfire round. 

These will have titles for posterity. I'll also go through my previous posts and name all those hexes. Same with adding local encounters.

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Pelts For XP - Travel In The Bloody Marches

Nick Eggenhofer

OVERLAND MOVEMENT
A party's travel speed ('TS') is their encounter movement rate divided by 5. Mounted parties have 8 TS. Sure their mounts can move faster, but only in short bursts (e.g., during encounters). Those travelling on land vehicles like carts or wagons have 6 TS. Parties on boats have 12 TS.

Wilderness experts like Rangers, Wood Elves etc. can allow the party to move through a single hex without spending any TS, once per day. Doesn't stack with additional characters. This ability could be abused to quickly move through very difficult hexes or ford a river (which is intentional).

Monday, October 6, 2025

Minidungeon - Consecrated To Father Flint

Gwion Gwion

KNAP THE BLADES 
CUT THE EYES
SWALLOW THE COALS
CLUB THE SNAKE
STAB THE SNAKE
EAT THE SNAKE
Flintman war chant, transcribed from rock art

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Even More Gods

Eucharius Rösslin

BLOODY MOTHER
Neutral goddess of midwifery and pregnancy. Deaths in childbirth are a specter terrorising every race and creed. Without Bloody Mother's loving ministrations, infant mortality would quadruple overnight. 

The Mother's clerics are wandering healers renowned for zealously defending the pregnant and the newlyborn. Some fundamentalists also punish breaches of moral law; absentee parents are chastised or beaten, rapists are mutilated or executed in cruel and unusual fashions. More progressive sects have pioneered pregnancy tests, contraceptives, abortions and caesarean deliveries. 

Religious orthodoxy states that Bloody Mother is either an aspect of the Knacker or Grain Goddess, but her worship likely predates both religions.

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

Pelts For XP - D6 People You Meet

Where there's a whip, there's a way!
Where there's a whip, there's a way!
Where there's a whip, there's a way!
Left, right, left, right, left

We don't wanna go to war today
But the Lord of the Lash says: "nay, nay, nay!"
We're gonna march all day, all day, all day!
Where there's a whip there's a way!

Alexander Korotich

Monday, September 29, 2025

Pelts For XP - Hex Collection 3

HIDDEN TEMPLE
An exposed nunatak dominates this hex. The flat-topped mountain appears uninhabited, but careful observation discovers the remains of a trail leading up its side. The paving stones have been looted and it's overgrown with brush, but this old Serpentman road is still traversible.

Hidden behind a permanent Hallucinatory Terrain is the entrance to a mountainside temple; a pillared portico with a bronze gate and small iron bell. The doors depict Sweetsting, a regional subculture of Liberator cultists who exalt honeywine. The grinning bee man embraces Grain Goddess, who rests a sickle against the god's neck while his priapic stinger presses into her chubby belly.

Sunday, September 28, 2025

Pelts For XP - Hex Collection 2

Gustave Moreau

DEMON RANCH
The fields in this hex are surrounded by fences of densely woven web. Scattered groves provide shade for ten Tarantellas (OSE), domesticated herding spiders that maintain the barriers and deter predators with their dancing venom.

Within the fields is a collection of strange silk buildings and traditional timber houses; a ranch run by eighteen Drow (OSE Adv). The Deep Elves are led by a matriarch, gregarious businesswoman Antimache (Level 6 Drow) who carries a Displacer Cloak, Cream of Sunlight Resistance and Staff of Power with 17 charges.

Pelts For XP - The Bushrangers

Four horseman rode out from the heart of the range,
Four horseman with aspects forbidding and strange.
They were booted and spurred, they were armed to the teeth,
And they frowned as they looked at the valley beneath,
As forward they rode through the rocks and the fern -
Ned Kelly, Dan Kelly, Steve Hart and Joe Byrne.

Ned Kelly drew rein and he shaded his eyes -
'The town's at our mercy! See yonder it lies!
To hell with the troopers!' - he shook his clenched fist -
'We will shoot them like dogs if they dare to resist!'
And all of them nodded, grim-visaged and stern -
Ned Kelly, Dan Kelly, Steve Hart and Joe Byrne.

The Bush Rangers, by 
Edward Harrington

Sidney Nolan

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

Minidungeon - The Golani's Gaol

Renate Löbbecke

In a valley north of the Bloody Marches, a benevolent nature spirit has doled out free healing and resurrections for generations. But after magical plagues destablised the region, the medicine man was swarmed by hundreds of desperate pilgrims.

Sensing opportunity, the Druid Mafia militarised the shrine and imprisoned the Golani. They claim to be protecting the spirit and his patients, even as their violent excesses grow. Bribes, beatings and rape are commonplace. Their quarantine camps are overflowing with the sick, injured and mad. 

But who's gonna do anything about it?

Sunday, September 21, 2025

Minidungeon - The Sacked Monastery

St Mary, East Somerton

A rural church is razed by a vengeful band of escaped convicts. When a squad of soldiers is sent to reopen the monastery for business, they find it overrun with maneating monsters, mutant plantlife and security constructs gone rogue.

Someone needs to clear the place out and get the agrimancy flowing again, lest there be famine.

Friday, September 19, 2025

Pelts For XP - Fort Southfur

Anglo-Saxon Burh

This forested hex has a large tract of cleared land either side of the Redriver. Straddling the bloodstained waterway is Fort Southfur, a dense collection of timber buildings enclosed by an earthwork palisade and surrounded by a collection of smaller homesteads.

The fortified burh and its surrounds have a population wavering around ~1,000, a mixture of sailors, trappers, sharecroppers, fishermen and convicts. The colony mostly exports furs, alchemical reagents, exotic plants and surplus food. The Bloody Marches are filled with old Serpentman ruins, so there's occasionally a shipment of pilfered silver or magic items as well. 

Sunday, September 14, 2025

Pelts For XP - Hex Collection 1

BULL'S DEMENSE
This wetlands hex is filled with obstructive plant life. Gnarled roots ensnare oars, low-hanging branches are covered in poisonous lichen and mats of aquatic vegetation clog waterways.

The hostile aquaculture was cultivated by a tribe of sixteen Water Centaurs (stats as Cyprian Centaurs, CC1) to protect their herd of two dozen cattle and buffalo (stats as Herd Animals, OSE). The buffalo centaurs are much larger than their equine counterparts. Their height lets them fight with their upper halves above water, wielding polearms and bows. 

Water Centaurs keep livestock for food and sex. When they mate with a bovine, the resulting child is one of their own. They don't view this as being strange or immoral. When someone inevitably casts Speak With Animals, they find the buffalo enthusiastically agree.

Saturday, September 13, 2025

Pelts For XP - Rules Post

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.

I said, “Is it good, friend?”

“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;
“But I like it
“Because it is bitter,
“And because it is my heart.”

In the Desert, by Stephen Crane

Sharper Fangs, null.00

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

Minidungeon - The Sinking Tower

Sintra, Portugal 

With the help of a contractually-bound djinn, Ingmaind the Ascending is building his retirement tower in the Bloody Marches. Unfortunately, the wizards planted his foundations in a swamp and it's  perpetually sinking. He's already lost four levels, but just adds a new floor each time.

His genie, unhappy with the construction delays, hires adventurers to fix the sinking foundations.

Sunday, September 7, 2025

Puer Delicatus - Agent TYSON's Notebook

Agent TYSON's player kindly reminded me of some details I missed during my session write up. 

Designing good play reports for investigatory games is much harder than doing the same for dungeoncrawlers. You have to balance recording all the clues so people know what's going on while avoiding an exhaustive blow-by-blow, because no one wants to read that. 

I'll find the balance one of these days.

Saturday, September 6, 2025

Minidungeon - The Troll's Toll

Pont Valentré

It's well known that Trolls live under viaducts. No one really knows why (including Trolls). So when some Serpentmen found Lemuria the Green beneath their bridge, they didn't bother evicting him. Instead, they did a recruitment pass. After careful negotiation and a longpork signing bonus, the snakes had an immortal maneater to guard their river checkpoint.

Centuries later, Lemuria still dutifully mans his post. He really enjoys being a tollman, so he's not bothered that his employers have stopped paying him. Or that they're all dead. 

How's the saying go? Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.

Monday, September 1, 2025

Puer Delicatus - Session 1

A half-empty section of a parking garage. JFK International Airport. Early January, 2025. 

The three members of T-Cell stood around a rental car. 

  • Agent TESSA - ICE Homeland Security Investigations, K9 Handler.
  • Agent TULLY - NSA Remote Device Activities Unit, Surveillance Specialist.
  • Agent TYSON - CIA National Resources Division, Case Officer.

TULLY, being Cell Leader, relayed the briefing she'd received from A-Cell a day prior.

A team of American archaeologists dug up an old Roman estate in Tuscany, Italy. They shipped the artefacts to the Museum of Natural History for an exhibition. All their finds were digitally categorised prior to transport. Our people intercepted their communications and flagged several items as being potentially hazardous. 

Broken pottery with furry toad-gods on them, papyri making reference to hypergeometric formulas, old glassware covered in exotic chemicals, the list goes on.

Homeland Security already has a man on scene, Special Agent Hassam Abdullah, due to reports of artefacts going missing. Some of the papyri scrolls and a fancy glass cup. This whole situation reeks of trouble. Get yourselves involved. Get us answers. 

Saturday, August 30, 2025

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Music Post

I'll give it a shot. 

I did prepare music for this dungeon, but by the fourth session I couldn't be bothered to be the game's live DJ. Since Discord nuked all the music bots to comply with Youtube's TOS, I've been using Watch2Gether - a website for playing synced videos that other people can listen along to. But you have to remake your playlists every time you want to use it, unless you cough up the subscription money for a permanent room. 

Put simply, it was a pain in the ass.

I ended up just posting Youtube links for my players to listen to at their own discretion, which seemed to work alright for everyone involved. I've been informed that there are a few good music bots still knocking around, so maybe I'll use one of those for the next game I run.

Either way, here's the soundtracks I used. It's a mixture of dungeonsynth (that isn't AI slop), OSTs from my favourite video games and some songs suggested by my players (thanks Doubloon!).

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Masterpost

 A low-level dungeoncrawl complete with murderous Dwarves, undead Serpentmen and a fountain of infinite healing that definitely doesn’t have awful side effects. Designed for Old School Essentials.

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 6 & 7

The four adventurers stood outside the cave entrance for the last time. After weeks of exploring, they were ready to root out the undead snakes and their Dwarven allies. Once more, from the top:

  • Gavel, Level 2 Fighter.
  • Godwin the Green, Level 2 Fighter.
  • Haisam, Level 2 Necromancer.
  • Heiwae Mann, Level 3 Thief.

Accompanying them were two retainers, both in the employ of Godwin:

  • Burned Leaves, Level 1 Elf.
  • Ditch-Twitch, Level 1 Halfling.

Rounding out the party's equipment was a comical amount of holy water (purchased in-bulk from the Church of Fat Sun) and a pair of lichhounds. These small but vicious dogs had a bark so fierce that, once per day, it could turn the undead. After Heiwae Mann trained them to bark on command, Godwin packed them into a padded pouch for ease of transport.

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 5

Heiwae Mann kicked his feet from the edge of a large bathtub, his legs too short to touch the ground. A half-naked bathhouse worker stared at him incredulously as he told her to put her clothes back on. The thief wasn't here for sex - he wanted information.

Softwaters Bathhouse was a staple of Fallowfields, purveying the world's oldest profession under the guise of public sanitation. It had previously been on the colony's eastern side, but the brothel's pimp, Gangolf, had transplanted it to the (once polluted) northern river. 

It was a savvy business move - the fungal blight had dropped property prices and the newly blessed river did wonders for the "constitution" of his customers. 

Roman de Mélusine

Thursday, August 7, 2025

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 4

After a few weeks of well-earned downtime in Fallowfields, three adventurers mounted their freshly purchased horses and set course for the underground temple.

  • Gavel, Level 2 Fighter.
  • Godwin the Green, Level 2 Fighter.
  • Heiwae Mann, Level 2 Thief.

With Haisam busy, the party needed a spellcaster to operate the Staff of Opening. Godwin contracted a magically-inclined retainer, a theological litigator from the Tree of Life.

  • Burned Leaves. Level 1 Elf.

After a day riding across open fields they arrived at the dungeon. Having bribed Wanamingo in libations to protect their camp with illusions, they stashed their mounts inside the phantasm and entered the cave.

AD&D Dungeon Explorers

Wednesday, July 30, 2025

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 3

Deep underground, five adventurers debated whether to continue dungeoneering. Godwin and Heiwae Mann, demoralised and injured, called it quits and went back to base camp. 

The remaining three, eager for more glory and gold, chose to stick it out.

  • Haisam, a Necromancer.
  • Gavel, a Fighter.
  • Lalo, a Cleric.

The party, with their flask of snake ambrosia, cured the Leper-Chaun. He introduced himself as Wanamingo and sheepishly revealed the bear trap hiding beneath the pile of illusory treasure. As payment for their help, the fairy gave the adventurers valuable intel - the spores were a weapon employed by a dwarven clan of necromancers and slavers. 

The dwarves were clever, preferring technology over magic to control their undead. With hypersonic whistles and bizarre talismans, whose geometries reflected their zombie's echolocation, they trained friend-foe recognition into their reanimated slaves.

In the common tongue, their name was "The Deadlifters". A killteam of the halfmen was in the dungeon, spraying bioweapons and dispatching fungal revenants to flush the fairy out.

The Weekly Roll

Thursday, July 24, 2025

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 2

With bodies rested and bellies filled with sheep's cheese and hardtack, five adventurers journeyed back to the ancient temple. 

  • Haisam, a Necromancer.
  • Gavel, a Fighter.
  • Godwin the Green, a Fighter.
  • Heiwae Mann, a Thief.
  • Lalo, a Cleric.

The rope they'd secured up the rapids was still in position, untampered with since their last delve. The party climbed into the dungeon's flooded central chamber, unspiked the waiting room door and dispatched Heiwae Mann to scout ahead.

Saturday, July 19, 2025

The Serpentmen's Sacrament - Session 1

The colony of Fallowfields has suffered a sudden blight. Crops wither and animals die. Some of the dead livestock rise from the grave as fungal monstrosities.

A group of shepherds, braver than most, have tracked the sickness to a fouled river. Its source is a mountain-side cave three days walk from the settlement. They say they found something inside the grotto - a pair of ancient bronze doors, embossed with decorations of strange men with the bodies of serpents. 

The colony's financial backers have posted a reward of 2,000 gold pieces for whoever stops the blight. The merchants won't pay anymore, make the reward bigger and it'd be cheaper to just abandon the affected farmland. Thankfully, there's always the "graverobber's fee" - first spoils on any treasure found within.

Sunday, June 15, 2025

The Grug In The Dark - MCA

Choose rockbanger. Choose berrypicker. Choose black fur and matching war mask. Choose flint tool stolen from shaman with wide range of fucking attachments. Choose bang away at mind-numbing, sanity-crushing thing from beyond stars, wonder whether grug better off stuffing rock in own mouth. Choose Chieftain in Yellow and wake up wondering who grug are. Choose 9 kilogram retirement plan. Choose go out with rockbang at end of it all, PGP-encrypting last message down securely laid smoke signal as Rust Covered Arrowhead wetgrug bust into cave.

Choose one last Night at the Bunga.

Choose Moss Covered Arrowhead.

By Fee Fi Fo Fin, on Blogspot

Fallout Two Sun - Day One

I like Fallout. So I took a break from running Delta Green, to run a hack of Delta Green set in the Fallout universe. Variety is the spice of life.

The module I used, Fallout Two Sun, isn't my own. Mellonbread wrote it back in 2021. I've just made some changes here and there. The game was a lot of fun, we had a nice mix of combat, political intrigue, exploration and roleplaying. 

The first session was 6.5 hours long, and I imagine the later sessions will be similar, so I'll be splitting these AARs into a day-by-day format. 

DAY ONE - THE BOOT

Two Vault Dwellers found themselves handcuffed and surrounded by armed guards at the exit of Vault 24. Someone had bombed the Overseer's office, and their heads were on the chopping block.

  • Ghale Perez, the Vault's chief reactor technician and a revolutionary anarchist in all but name. He'd tried to assassinate Overseer Barnabas with an microfusion cell IED, but had only blasted the tyrant's leg off. The Overseer couldn't prove it, but was exiling him all the same.
  • Bobby Lopez, a druggie fuckup who had no involvement with the plot. But he had shot up all of this month's Med-Ex ration right before the Overseer's surgery. So in a fit of pain-addled rage, Barnabas also sentenced him to exile. Bobby wasn't even conscious for the kangaroo court, still drooling on the floor in an opioid coma.

The Vault Door

While the Overseer was being stitched up in an Auto-Doc, the security guards debated beating the Exiles to death here and now. They knew how to induce internal bleeding so the pair of criminals would die within minutes of being thrown out of the Vault.

The sound of a 12.7mm AE round being chambered stopped them. Old Man Dan Watanabe, three-time Exilee and murderous drunk, stumbled out of his favourite drinking nook beside the Vault door. The security guards took their cue to have a smoke break, leaving Watanabe alone with the Exiles. The adventurer uploaded map data to the Exiles' Pip-Boys. He drunkenly explained the state of the Arizona wastes to Ghale - the previously anarchic city of Two Sun had been conquered by a tribal army of crimson-clad soldiers. They called themselves the Legion, and killed all those that opposed them.

In order to get back in the Vault and overthrow the Overseer for good (something Watanabe was all for, so long as the new world order let him get shitfaced), they'd need to bring something back so valuable that the security department would force Barnabas to open the Vault door. Last time, Watanabe had bribed security with a massive supply of mezcal stolen from a wasteland trader. But the Legion killed anyone caught with alcohol or drugs, so that wasn't a great option nowadays. Unable to offer more help, and suffering a crippling hangover, Watanabe stuffed a fistful wasteland currency in the Exiles' packs (Nuka Cola bottlecaps) and made himself scarce.

After some skin grafts and using half the Vault's supply of Stimpaks, Overseer Barnabas approached the Exiles in a motorised wheelchair - flanked by a dozen jackbooted thugs. The autocrat read out charges of high treason through gritted teeth and then had them thrown into the pitch blackness. It wasn't until the Vault door sealed behind them that Bobby became cognisant of his situation, but Ghale managed to calm the bewildered drug addict - promising him they'd get back inside.

Fallout 1 Opening

The inside of Colossal Cave was littered with Pre-War junk. Soda bottles, tin cans and plastic wrapping crunched under foot as the Exiles ignited their Pip-Boy lights and crept through the cave. A giant cockroach skittered across the sand in front of them, their introduction to the wasteland's wildlife.

The Exiles soon entered the Visitor's Centre. Once a state park under the Arizona Commonwealth, ownership of the caves had been sold to Vault-Tec to raise funds in America's war against the Red Chinese. There should've been nothing left to loot, after decades of other Exiles picking the place clean, but Bobby found something - a dead guy crushed beneath a vending machine.

The week-old corpse was wearing red-painted football gear and clutching a rifle. After prying the weapon and ammunition from the corpse, Ghale noticed pidgin Latin carved into the rifle's stock.

"THIS MACHINE KILLS PROFLIGATES"

Legion Scout

The scuttling of more roaches brought the Exiles' attention away from the soldier. Seeing a dozen more bugs creeping towards them, they broke a hasty retreat into the Arizona wasteland.

The sight was awe-inspiring. Sunlight, real sunlight, not that simulated UV shit, streamed onto their pale faces. The intoxicating smell of actual woodsmoke filled their nostrils, carried on irradiated winds from the sprawling city of Two Sun lying in a shallow valley in front of them. The Exiles were shocked to see the city illuminated not just by cooking fires, but electrical street lights.

Considering that to their South was a jagged field of irradiated glass and to their North was a mountain range, the Exiles decided to walk along to road into Two Sun. They stopped to loot some destroyed suburbs, where Bobby found another hunting rifle locked in a Pre-War gun safe. 

As they exited the suburbs, the Exiles spotted the first wastelanders they'd ever seen. A ragtag group of men and women, protecting gigantic Javelina hogs laden with water jugs and sacks of maize, also walking the highway to Two Sun. 

The traders were amazed to meet real Vault Dwellers, and bombarded the Exiles with questions about the Vault. But after Ghale gave them a story of tyranny and the strangling of democracy, they laughed in his face. They'd had the best deal in the world. Clean water, food, power, safety. And they'd abandoned it for meaningless words on the pages of a book. 

The laughter soon turned to stoney silence after Bobby revealed he was both carrying Chems and had looted a Pre-War building. The traders told the Exiles that the Legion killed drug addicts and broke the legs of any unauthorised prospectors. Before Ghale could smooth things over, the traders drew guns and told the Exiles to fuck off. Bobby saw the source of their sudden discomfort - a Legion checkpoint a few hundred metres away. The farmers obviously didn't want to be crucified by association.

Now separated from the traders, the Exiles briefly debated fleeing into the wastes, but noticed a legionary watching them through a pair of binoculars. Not wanting to appear guilty, the Exiles decided to hide their Chems, deface the Legion graffiti on the hunting rifle and hope Stimpaks weren't haram


By Elijah McNeal, on Artstation

Seven soldiers armed with throwing spears and motley collection of firearms guarded a makeshift checkpoint made from an upturned truck and tire piles. An SMG-toting legionary with a headdress of vulture feathers and aviator sunglasses stopped the Exiles, introduced himself as Decanus Batista, and asked their business in Two Sun.

Ghale said they were a father and son duo, repairmen from the South looking for work. Surprisingly, Batista broke out a clipboard and duly noted down their explanation for his logbook. He asked them if they had anything to declare - illegal Chems or stolen goods. The Exiles nervously asked if Stimpaks counted. Batista grumbled, and explained that whilst they spoke of a degenerate moral, spiritual and physical character - no, they didn't.

Relieved, the Exiles made it through the checkpoint without further incident. The Legion weren't suspicious of their illegal rifles, nor did they find their hidden Chems. Batista even gave them a bottle of sarsaparilla for the road, brewed by his slave wives and chilled via evaporative cooling. He advised the Exiles go to Global Solar and speak to the men in white if they were looking for work as repairmen.

The Exiles soon spotted signage for the Poseidon Energy solar plant, noting a weird crucifix symbol painted on the roadsign.

Global Solar was an impressive sight. A field of glittering mirrors tended to by a small army of slaves, guarded by legionaries and overseen by a small group of white-clad men. The Exiles weren't planning to stop by, until they saw an elderly slave drop a solar panel on the concrete - breaking it.

With a roar of anger, a legionary moved to club the offending labourer to death with a lead pipe. But one of the strange doctors stepped in the way, verbally daring the soldier to strike him down. Grumbling, the red-skirt backed down and walked away from the confrontation. Interest piqued, the Exiles approached the man - who immediately recognised them as Vault Dwellers.

But the wasteland technician, Barry Wurst, wasn't some yokel impressed by spandex-clad cave dwellers. He resisted being squeezed for information, and told the Exiles to fix the broken panel as a show of good faith. The Exiles easily repaired the panel, even boosting its power production. Barry begrudgingly thanked them, and brought them into his airconditioned office for a cup of Nuka Cola.

He explained that he and his fellow scientists were Followers of the Apocalpyse, a cult of doctors from California. They'd mounted an expedition to Arizona to try and help Two Sun, but they got encircled by the Legion's siege of the city and were forced into collaboration.

  • The Legion were at war with a cult of Pre-War military remnants called the Brotherhood of Steel. Their bunker would no doubt be filled with invaluable technology, but good luck getting inside. 
  • The Exiles asked Barry for potential places they could find something for their Vault. He had a few recommendations, but none of them were attractive. 
  • The ICBM silos of Glass Valley likely had intact nuclear warheads, as several of the Titan missiles hadn't been fired. But the whole area filled with insane pre-war ghouls that shot trespassers on sight.
  • The Tuscon USAF Base was similarly untouched by prospectors, but it was protected by a series of automated turrets that obliterated any trespassers.

  • Their Vault could also collaborate with the Legion in exchange for food and water.

Unsatisfied by the conversation, the Exiles dismissed Barry's offer to join the Followers as technicians. He still recommended they talk to Yvette, his chief programmer, inside the main building if they were looking for work.

However, on the way to meet Yvette, the Exiles noticed the old UA Tech Park in the South of the facility. The place was plastered with the names of Pre-War military contractors, but all the doors were sealed with security shutters and the Legion appeared none the wiser to the weaponry likely inside. But as they went to approach the building, they warned off by a nearby Follower. The building's deadly treasures were off limits for everyone - including random assholes from a Vault.

War Never Changes

The Exiles shrugged, and went to go meet Yvette. They found the heavily tattooed programmer cannibalising terminals to maintain the Two Sun's power grid whilst sneaking puffs of a contraband cigarette. Yvette didn't share Barry's collaborationist attitude, but felt powerless to stop the Legion. Ghale cheered her up by showing her how to make IEDs from microfusion cells.

Deciding the Exiles were on the level, she asked them to help a "friend" of hers - Samara, a Brotherhood of Steel scribe captured by the Legion. She'd been tasked with repairing the terminals in the Two Sun's slave pits to ease the Legion's bureaucratic load, and had snuck an SOS signal out. Yvette had picked up on it and started secretly texting the imprisoned scribe.

Though she convinced Barry to purchase Samara to use her technical knowledge in Global Solar, there was a hiccup. A senior legion officer, Decanus Timur, was infatuated with Samara. The idea of having a Brotherhood scribe as his concubine clearly aroused the fascist bastard, so he was trying to buy her himself. And whilst Timur was disputing their purchase, there was a risk the Followers couldn't save Samara and she'd meet a fate worse than death.

So the red skirt needed to have an accident. Happy to finally meet someone with a similar moral compass, the Exiles eagerly agreed to assassinate the Legion officer. Yvette thanked them, and passed on a copy of Programmer's Digest as a down payment.

Before the Exiles left Global Solar, they decided to take a crack at infiltrating the tech park. Ghale distracted the nearby legionaries, whilst Bobby expertly climbed his way to the top of the building. Avoiding notice, he crept across the roof and peeked into the central courtyard. 

A RobCo Industries Model-2072 Sentry Bot stared back at him. Dodging backwards, Bobby barely avoided the countless crimson beams that shredded the rooftop. He scrambled back to the ground as a squad of panicked legionaries began shouting about a Brotherhood deep strike, having recognised the distinctive report of a gatling laser.

By Dennis Mejillones, on Artstation

Ghale barely averted a total site lockdown by convincing the red skirts it was just discharge from the solar array. With no further laser blasts nor sightings of power-armour-clad cultists, the legionaries' officers began screaming abuse at their stupid soldiers for being so twitchy.

The Exiles beat a hasty retreat into the wastes before anyone wised up to their shenanigans.

On the road to Two Sun, the Exiles noticed the Los Reales Landfill had quadrupled in size from Pre-War times. As they watched on, some legionaries led a column of terrified slaves to the landfill's outer perimeter, whereupon a group of strange tribals wearing bloodstained hi-vis vests apparated from the piles of junk and refuse.

Despite their pleas, the slaves had trashbags thrown over their heads and were dragged out of sight. The mystics of trash and violence dumped a wheelbarrow filled with pre-war jewellery, electronics and copper cabling at the legionaries feet, before vanishing from whence they came. Clearly unnerved, the soldiers picked up their payment and carried it back towards Two Sun.

The Exiles decided they wanted nothing to do with the garbagemen, and kept on moving.

LISA - The Pointless

An hour later, whilst stopping for a water break, the Exiles noticed movement in some abandoned houses. Worried it was more trash cultists, they went to flee before noticing abandoned slave garments poorly hidden nearby. Curiosity piqued, the Exiles approached the house and found a beleaguered group of escaped slaves cowering inside.

After assuring them they weren't Legion, the slaves' leader (and only able-bodied warrior) introduced himself as Ibrahim. He'd stabbed a Radscorpion (which the Exiles had never seen before) with his spear, which the Bobby helped him cook in a smokeless fire to feed the other escapees. After burning a Stimpak to heal their injured, Ibrahim trusted the Exiles enough to open up to them.

By Nick Wohlfarth, on Artstation 

He explained their masters, a group of foreigners, had used the slaves to run a drug manufacturing operation. They were forced to mix brahmin dung in big vats, and synthesise it into an aersolised drug. But the slaves had become addicted - riddled with respiratory issues to the point of uselessness. 

Unwilling to leave loose ends lest their illegal operation be discovered by the Legion, the dealers tried to liquidate the injured slaves, but were fought off by Ibrahim's father, Yaseem, at the cost of his life. Ibrahim led the slaves out of Two Sun, hoping to escape East, but their withdrawal symptoms had stopped their progress. After confirming the location of the secret drug lab in an old highschool, the Exiles offered to help the slaves find some new clothes. Ibrahim agreed to the plan, so the trio struck off towards the Pima Air and Space Museum.

Upon arrival, the Exiles watched a horde of giant roadrunners dash past the museum into an open field. Gatling laser fire burst out from an aerospace hangar a few hundred metres away, disintegrating the birds. Assuming those were the airbase defences the Followers mentioned, the Exiles gave it a wide berth and avoided straying too far from the Museum parking lot.

Inside, they bypassed the half-blind Protectron guarding the museum and took a look around. The Exiles found plenty of Pre-War bomber jackets and flight suits on old mannequins, enough to clothe the slaves and replace their conspicious Vault Suits. Bobby also rustled up some Fixer and a toolkit.

A mimicked gecko mating call from Ibrahim alerted the Exiles to something outside. They had company. Peeking through the boarded up windows, they saw a trade caravan consisting of a dozen mercenaries guarding a trio of two-headed mutant cows. The guards were armed to the teeth with mismatched combat armour, energy weapons and automatic rifles. 

After the caravan stopped for a water break, Ghale (being bilingual) overheard them conversing in Spanish. The caravan was guarding half a ton of South American coffee, being hauled up Central America to virgin markets in the Legion. The foreign mercenaries didn't stick around long, pushing onwards to Two Sun.

With the threat gone, the Exiles disabled the Protectron and looted its weapons, stashing the still-intact robot in a supply closet for later use.

Before leaving, the Exiles dropped off the jumpsuits and used a dose of Fixer to lessen the tribals' withdrawals. The tribals were enamoured by the Exiles, the first people who'd ever helped without expecting anything in return. The slaves followed Ghale's suggestion to settle inside of the Colossal Cave Visitor's Centre. They'd kill the Radroaches for food, and await the Exiles' eventual return.

(Though the visitor's centre was an objectively good hiding spot, Ghale also found the idea of a dozen wasteland savages squatting on the Overseer's doorstep hilarious.)

After more walking down the highway, the Exiles finally found themselves inside Two Sun proper. The streets became choked with soldiers, slaves, wastelanders, traders and mercenaries. They also noticed representatives of the local tribes allied with the Legion - Trashmen from the Los Reales Landfill and the Compache, a tribe of Native Americans who rode the giant roadrunners they'd seen earlier. 

By Herckeim, on DeviantArt

The Exiles spent a few hours selling their ill-gotten gains and talking with local hunters to get a lowdown on the local mutated wildlife. After hearing colourful stories about Deathclaws, Cazadors and Gila Dragons, the terrified Exiles bought some leather armour and a plasma grenade to bolster their combat capabilities. They ended the day sweet-talking the Followers at the Veteran Affairs Hospital into giving them an unoccupied room to sleep in.

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