The Grug In The Dark - MCA

Choose rockbanger. Choose berrypicker. Choose black fur and matching war mask. Choose flint tool stolen from shaman with wide range of fucking attachments. Choose bang away at mind-numbing, sanity-crushing thing from beyond stars, wonder whether grug better off stuffing rock in own mouth. Choose Chieftain in Yellow and wake up wondering who grug are. Choose 9 kilogram retirement plan. Choose go out with rockbang at end of it all, PGP-encrypting last message down securely laid smoke signal as Rust Covered Arrowhead wetgrug bust into cave.

Choose one last Night at the Bunga.

Choose Moss Covered Arrowhead.

By Fee Fi Fo Fin, on Blogspot

Created by Mellonbread & Co., Moss Covered Arrowhead (MCA) is a satirical hack of Delta Green where you play as a secretive clan of cavemen battling the Mythos in neolithic times.

It's a lot of fun. I suspect rolling back Delta Green's gameplay to its most "primal" has something to do with it. Your equipment is whatever you can craft. Your allies are your direct friends and family. Your authority is your reputation and personal monopoly on violence.

Or it might be all the clubbing and bunga puns.

Either way, I wrote a Shotgun Scenario for MCA based on a throwaway line in Gene Wolfe's "The Claw of the Conciliator". It's also heavily inspired by the Conan short stories written by Robert E. Howard. The playtest on N@TO was very popular. Hopefully you like it too.

Here's the scenario document.

Magnificent Tophat over on Spears and Spreadsheets also made a custom character sheet that we used in the playtest.

Fallout Two Sun - Day One

I like Fallout. So I took a break from running Delta Green, to run a hack of Delta Green set in the Fallout universe. Variety is the spice of life.

The module I used, Fallout Two Sun, isn't my own. Mellonbread wrote it back in 2021. I've just made some changes here and there. The game was a lot of fun, we had a nice mix of combat, political intrigue, exploration and roleplaying. 

The first session was 6.5 hours long, and I imagine the later sessions will be similar, so I'll be splitting these AARs into a day-by-day format. 

DAY ONE - THE BOOT

Two Vault Dwellers found themselves handcuffed and surrounded by armed guards at the exit of Vault 24. Someone had bombed the Overseer's office, and their heads were on the chopping block.

• Ghale Perez, the Vault's chief reactor technician and a revolutionary anarchist in all but name. He'd tried to assassinate Overseer Barnabas with an microfusion cell IED, but had only blasted the tyrant's leg off. The Overseer couldn't prove it, but was exiling him all the same.
  
  
• Bobby Lopez, a druggie fuckup who had no involvement with the plot. But he had shot up all of this month's Med-Ex ration right before the Overseer's surgery. So in a fit of pain-addled rage, Barnabas also sentenced him to exile. Bobby wasn't even conscious for the kangaroo court, still drooling on the floor in an opioid coma.

The Vault Door

While the Overseer was being stitched up in an Auto-Doc, the security guards debated beating the Exiles to death here and now. They knew how to induce internal bleeding so the pair of criminals would die within minutes of being thrown out of the Vault.

The sound of a 12.7mm AE round being chambered stopped them. Old Man Dan Watanabe, three-time Exilee and murderous drunk, stumbled out of his favourite drinking nook beside the Vault door. The security guards took their cue to have a smoke break, leaving Watanabe alone with the Exiles.

The adventurer fed the Exiles water and uploaded map data to their Pip-Boys. He drunkenly explained the state of the Arizona wastes to Ghale - the previously anarchic city of Two Sun had been conquered by a tribal army of crimson-clad soldiers. They called themselves the Legion, and killed all those that opposed them.

In order to get back in the Vault and overthrow the Overseer for good (something Watanabe was all for, so long as the new world order let him get shitfaced), they'd need to bring something back so valuable that the security department would force Barnabas to open the Vault door.

Last time, Watanabe had bribed security with a massive supply of mezcal stolen from a wasteland trader. But the Legion killed anyone caught with alcohol or drugs, so that wasn't a great option nowadays. Unable to offer more help, and suffering a crippling hangover, Watanabe stuffed a fistful wasteland currency in the Exiles' packs (Nuka Cola bottlecaps) and made himself scarce.

After some skin grafts and using half the Vault's supply of Stimpaks, Overseer Barnabas approached the Exiles in a motorised wheelchair - flanked by a dozen jackbooted thugs. The autocrat read out charges of high treason through gritted teeth and then had them thrown into the pitch blackness.

It wasn't until the Vault door sealed behind them that Bobby became cognisant of his situation, but Ghale managed to calm the bewildered drug addict - promising him they'd get back inside.

Fallout 1 Opening

The inside of Colossal Cave was littered with Pre-War junk. Soda bottles, tin cans and plastic wrapping crunched under foot as the Exiles ignited their Pip-Boy lights and crept through the cave. A giant cockroach skittered across the sand in front of them, their first introduction to the wasteland's colourful wildlife.

The Exiles soon entered the Visitor's Centre. Once a state park under the Arizona Commonwealth, ownership of the caves had been sold to Vault-Tec to raise funds in America's war against the Red Chinese. There should've been nothing left to loot, after decades of other Exiles picking the place clean, but Bobby found something - a dead guy crushed beneath a vending machine.

The week-old corpse was wearing red-painted football gear and clutching a hunting rifle. After prying the weapon and ammunition from the corpse, Ghale noticed a phrase in pidgin Latin carved into the rifle's stock.

"THIS MACHINE KILLS PROFLIGATES"

Legion Scout

The scuttling of more gigantic roaches brought the Exiles' attention away from the crushed soldier. Seeing a dozen more of the awful bugs creeping towards them, they broke a hasty retreat into the Arizona wasteland.

The sight was awe-inspiring. Sunlight, real sunlight, not that simulated UV shit, streamed onto their pale faces. The intoxicating smell of actual woodsmoke filled their nostrils, carried on irradiated winds from the sprawling city of Two Sun lying in a shallow valley in front of them. The Exiles were shocked to see the city illuminated not just by cooking fires, but electrical street lights.

Considering that to their South was a jagged field of irradiated glass and to their North was a mountain range, the Exiles decided to walk along to road into Two Sun. They stopped to loot some destroyed suburbs, where Bobby found another hunting rifle locked in a Pre-War gun safe.

As they exited the suburbs, the Exiles spotted the first wastelanders they'd ever seen. A ragtag group of men and women, protecting gigantic Javelina hogs laden with water jugs and sacks of maize, also walking the highway to Two Sun. 

The traders were amazed to meet real Vault Dwellers, and bombarded the Exiles with questions about the Vault. But after Ghale gave them a story of tyranny and the strangling of democracy, they laughed in his face. They'd had the best deal in the world. Clean water, food, power, safety. And they'd abandoned it for meaningless words on the pages of a book. 

The laughter soon turned to stoney silence after Bobby revealed he was both carrying Chems and had looted a Pre-War building. The traders told the Exiles that the Legion killed drug addicts and broke the legs of any unauthorised prospectors. Before Ghale could smooth things over, the traders drew guns on the Exiles and told them to fuck off. Bobby saw the source of their sudden discomfort - a Legion checkpoint a few hundred metres away. The farmers obviously didn't want to be crucified by association.

Now separated from the traders, the Exiles briefly debated fleeing into the wastes, but noticed a legionary watching them through a pair of binoculars. Not wanting to appear guilty, the Exiles decided to hide their Chems, deface the Legion graffiti on the hunting rifle and hope Stimpaks weren't haram. 

By Elijah McNeal, on Artstation

Seven soldiers armed with throwing spears and motley collection of firearms guarded a makeshift checkpoint made from an upturned truck and tire piles. An SMG-toting legionary with a headdress of vulture feathers and aviator sunglasses stopped the Exiles, introduced himself as Decanus Batista, and asked their business in Two Sun.

Ghale said they were a father and son duo, repairmen from the South looking for work. Surprisingly, Batista broke out a clipboard and duly noted down their explanation for his logbook. He asked them if they had anything to declare - illegal Chems or stolen goods. The Exiles nervously asked if Stimpaks counted. Batista grumbled, and explained that whilst they spoke of a degenerate moral, spiritual and physical character - no, they didn't.

Relieved, the Exiles made it through the checkpoint without further incident. The Legion weren't suspicious of their illegal rifles, nor did they find their hidden Chems. Batista even gave them a bottle of sarsaparilla for the road, brewed by his slave wives and chilled via evaporative cooling. He advised the Exiles go to Global Solar and speak to the men wearing white, if they were looking for work as repairmen.

The Exiles soon spotted signage for the Poseidon Energy solar plant, noting a weird crucifix symbol painted on the roadsign.

Global Solar was an impressive sight. A field of glittering mirrors tended to by a small army of slaves, guarded by legionaries and overseen by a small group of white-clad men. The Exiles weren't planning to stop by, until they saw an elderly slave drop a solar panel on the concrete - breaking it.

With a roar of anger, a legionary moved to club the offending labourer to death with a lead pipe. But one of the strange doctors stepped in the way, verbally daring the soldier to strike him down. Grumbling, the red-skirt backed down and walked away from the confrontation. Interest piqued, the Exiles approached the man - who immediately recognised them as Vault Dwellers.

But the wasteland technician, Barry Wurst, wasn't some yokel impressed by spandex-clad cave dwellers. He resisted being squeezed for information, and told the Exiles to fix the broken panel as a show of good faith. The Exiles easily repaired the panel, even boosting its power production in the process. Barry begrudgingly thanked them, and brought them into his airconditioned foreman's office for a cup of Nuka Cola.

He explained that he and his fellow scientists were Followers of the Apocalpyse, a cult of doctors from California. They'd mounted an expedition to Arizona to try and help Two Sun, but they got encircled by the Legion's siege of the city and were forced into collaboration.

The Exiles asked Barry for potential places they could find something for their Vault. He had a few recommendations, but none of them were attractive. 

• The Legion were at war with a cult of Pre-War military remnants called the Brotherhood of Steel. Their bunker would no doubt be filled with invaluable technology, but good luck getting inside. 

• The ICBM silos of Glass Valley likely had intact nuclear warheads, as several of the Titan missiles hadn't been fired. But the whole area filled with insane pre-war ghouls that shot trespassers on sight.

• The Tuscon USAF Base was similarly untouched by prospectors, but it was protected by a series of automated turrets that obliterated any trespassers.

• Their Vault could also collaborate with the Legion in exchange for food and water.

Unsatisfied by the conversation, the Exiles dismissed Barry's offer to join the Followers as technicians. He still recommended they talk to Yvette, his chief programmer, inside the main building if they were looking for work.

However, on the way to meet Yvette, the Exiles noticed the old UA Tech Park in the South of the facility. The place was plastered with the names of Pre-War military contractors, but all the doors were sealed with security shutters and the Legion appeared none the wiser to the weaponry likely inside. But as they went to approach the building, they warned off by a nearby Follower. The building's deadly treasures were off limits for everyone - including random assholes from a Vault.

War Never Changes

The Exiles shrugged, and went to go meet Yvette. They found the heavily tattooed programmer cannibalising terminals to maintain the Two Sun's power grid whilst sneaking puffs of a contraband cigarette. Yvette didn't share Barry's collaborationist attitude, but felt powerless to stop the Legion. Ghale cheered her up by showing her how to make IEDs from microfusion cells.

Deciding the Exiles were on the level, she asked them to help a "friend" of hers - Samara, a Brotherhood of Steel scribe captured by the Legion. She'd been tasked with repairing the terminals in the Two Sun's slave pits to ease the Legion's bureaucratic load, and had snuck an SOS signal out. Yvette had picked up on it and started secretly texting the imprisoned scribe.

Though she convinced Barry to purchase Samara to use her technical knowledge in Global Solar, there was a hiccup. A senior legion officer, Decanus Timur, was infatuated with Samara. The idea of having a Brotherhood scribe as his concubine clearly aroused the fascist bastard, so he was trying to buy her himself. And whilst Timur was disputing their purchase, there was a risk the Followers couldn't save Samara and she'd meet a fate worse than death.

So the red skirt needed to have an accident. Happy to finally meet someone with a similar moral compass, the Exiles eagerly agreed to assassinate the Legion officer. Yvette thanked them, and passed on a copy of Programmer's Digest as a down payment.

Before the Exiles left Global Solar, they decided to take a crack at infiltrating the tech park. Ghale distracted the nearby legionaries, whilst Bobby expertly climbed his way to the top of the building. Avoiding notice, he crept across the roof and peeked into the central courtyard. 

A RobCo Industries Model-2072 Sentry Bot stared back at him. Dodging backwards, Bobby barely avoided the countless crimson beams that shredded the rooftop. He scrambled back to the ground as a squad of panicked legionaries began shouting about a Brotherhood deep strike, having recognised the distinctive report of a gatling laser.

By Dennis Mejillones, on Artstation

Ghale barely averted a total site lockdown by convincing the red skirts it was just discharge from the solar array. With no further laser blasts nor sightings of power-armour-clad cultists, the legionaries' officers began screaming abuse at their stupid soldiers for being so twitchy.

The Exiles beat a hasty retreat into the wastes before anyone wised up to their shenanigans.

On the road to Two Sun, the Exiles noticed the Los Reales Landfill had quadrupled in size from Pre-War times. As they watched on, some legionaries led a column of terrified slaves to the landfill's outer perimeter, whereupon a group of strange tribals wearing bloodstained hi-vis vests apparated from the piles of junk and refuse.

Despite their pleas, the slaves had trashbags thrown over their heads and were dragged out of sight. The mystics of trash and violence dumped a wheelbarrow filled with pre-war jewellery, electronics and copper cabling at the legionaries feet, before vanishing from whence they came. Clearly unnerved, the soldiers picked up their payment and carried it back towards Two Sun.

The Exiles decided they wanted nothing to do with the garbagemen, and kept on moving.

LISA - The Pointless

An hour later, whilst stopping for a water break, the Exiles noticed movement in some abandoned houses. Worried it was more trash cultists, they went to flee before noticing abandoned slave garments poorly hidden nearby. Curiosity piqued, the Exiles approached the house and found a beleaguered group of escaped slaves cowering inside.

After assuring them they weren't Legion, the slaves' leader (and only able-bodied warrior) introduced himself as Ibrahim. He'd stabbed a Radscorpion (which the Exiles had never seen before) with his spear, which the Bobby helped him cook in a smokeless fire to feed the other escapees. After burning a Stimpak to heal their injured, Ibrahim trusted the Exiles enough to open up to them.

By Nick Wohlfarth, on Artstation 

He explained their masters, a group of foreigners, had used the slaves to run a drug manufacturing operation. They were forced to mix brahmin dung in big vats, and synthesise it into an aersolised drug. But the slaves had become hopelessly addicted and riddled with respiratory issues, to the point of uselessness. Unwilling to leave loose ends lest their illegal operation be discovered by the Legion, the drug dealers tried to liquidate the injured slaves, but were fought off by Ibrahim's father, Yaseem, at the cost of his life.

Ibrahim led the slaves out of Two Sun, hoping to escape East, but their withdrawal symptoms had stopped their progress. After confirming the location of the secret drug lab in an old highschool, the Exiles offered to help the slaves find some new clothes. Ibrahim agreed to the plan, so the trio struck off towards the Pima Air and Space Museum.

Upon arrival, the Exiles watched a horde of giant roadrunners dash past the museum into an open field. Gatling laser fire burst out from an aerospace hangar a few hundred metres away, disintegrating the birds. Assuming those were the airbase defences the Followers mentioned, the Exiles gave it a wide berth and avoided straying too far from the Museum parking lot.

Inside, they bypassed the half-blind Protectron guarding the museum and took a look around. The Exiles found plenty of Pre-War bomber jackets and flight suits on old mannequins, enough to clothe the slaves and replace their conspicious Vault Suits. Bobby also rustled up some Fixer and an old world toolkit.

A mimicked gecko mating call from Ibrahim alerted the Exiles to something outside. They had company. Peeking through the boarded up windows, they saw a trade caravan consisting of a dozen mercenaries guarding a trio of two-headed mutant cows. The guards were armed to the teeth with mismatched combat armour, energy weapons and automatic rifles. 

After the caravan stopped for a water break, Ghale (being bilingual) overheard them conversing in Spanish. The caravan was guarding half a ton of South American coffee, being hauled up Central America to virgin markets in the Legion. The foreign mercenaries didn't stick around long, pushing onwards to Two Sun.

With the threat gone, the Exiles disabled the Protectron and looted its weapons, stashing the still-intact robot in a supply closet for later use.

Before leaving, the Exiles dropped off the jumpsuits and used a dose of Fixer to lessen the tribals' withdrawals. The tribals were enamoured by the Exiles, the first people who'd ever helped without expecting anything in return. Subsequently, the slaves happily followed Ghale's suggestion to settle inside of the Colossal Cave Visitor's Centre. They'd kill the Radroaches for food, and await the Exiles' eventual return.

(Though the visitor's centre was an objectively good hiding spot, Ghale also found the idea of a dozen wasteland savages squatting on the Overseer's doorstep hilarious.)

After more walking down the highway, the Exiles finally found themselves inside Two Sun proper. The streets became choked with soldiers, slaves, wastelanders, traders and mercenaries. They also noticed representatives of the local tribes who'd allied with the Legion - the Trashmen from the Los Reales Landfill and the Compache, a tribe of Native Americans who rode the same giant roadrunners they'd seen earlier. 

By Herckeim, on DeviantArt

The Exiles spent a few hours selling their ill-gotten gains and talking with local hunters to get a lowdown on the local mutated wildlife. After hearing colourful stories about Deathclaws, Cazadors and Gila Dragons, the terrified Exiles bought some leather armour and a plasma grenade to bolster their combat capabilities. They ended the day sweet-talking the Followers at the Veteran Affairs Hospital into giving them an unoccupied room to sleep in.

Manor of Montecruz - Session 2

Four adventurers stood in the Manor's hidden basement. There was no doubt that this place had become a den for smugglers. There was treasure to be had in retaking it.

Before they could push onwards, a nearby crate flew open and a filthy man tumbled out. Once bound with coarse ropes, he'd been freed by the gnawing of a trio of rats. Seeing the adventurers, the man introduced himself as "Vermin-Tongue", but hastily amended his title to "Vee" upon seeing their scornful reactions.

"The Lonely Rat Boy", from Dishonored

Vee explained he was a native of Restenburn, who'd snuck up here with his coterie of well-trained rats, discovered the smuggler den and tried to rob it. The heist hadn't gone great.

With need of a vaguely competent rogue, the party asked if he wanted join them. Vee happily agreed to assist fighting his would-be-captors.

Now five strong, the mercenaries arrayed themselves:

• Cornyx, Level 1 Warrior-Priest. 

• Dr. Holmen, Level 1 Chirurgeon.

• Malakai, Level 1 Templar.

• Vee, Level 1 Rat-Whisperer.

• Yvonne, Level 1 Illusionist.

A wet gurgle drew Dr. Holmen's attention. The smuggler that Cornyx and Malakai had clobbered was, impressively, still alive. Wanting intel, the doctor roused him from unconsciousness.

He explained the gang's grift - their leader used illusion magic to make the Manor look like a haunted house, thus keeping people away from the criminal's smuggling operations. Satisfied, the party tied him up alongside Ned and moved further into the dungeon.

The adventurers entered a series of sea caves and, by using Vee's rats to scout ahead, managed to ambush a trio of smugglers gambling around a lantern - slitting their throats in the dark. They continued their stealthy approach by bushwhacking more patrolling smugglers, before Vee whiffed a sneak attack against a pair of sentries.

With the hue-and-cry raised, Cornyx tried to bumrush the two criminals but was mortally wounded by a bullet to the chest and an axe to the jaw. Hearing the gunshot, the gang's sorcerous leader and his two Brugor minions burst out of a nearby door. 

Combat was joined. Holmen and Vee exchanged missile fire with the remaining smugglers. Malakai dragged Cornyx's ruined body behind friendly lines as bullets, slingstones and spells whizzed overhead. Yvonne unleashed her signature Colour Spray into the open doorway, stunning the Brugor but failing to incapacitate the rival illusionist. 

He promptly floored her and Malakai with the exact same spell.

Just as things seemed to turn against the party, Holmen took drastic action. Using his expertise in experimental medicine, he "saved" Cornyx's life by replacing his ruined jaw with the massive mandibles he'd harvested from the giant ant. The half-dead barbarian, veins suffused with healing magic and a Haste potion, launched himself into combat and masticated a smuggler to death.

TF2's "Meet The Medic"

Next, Holmen used his Neutral alignment language to calm the confused Brugor - Yvonne's Colour Spray having shaken them out of their Charm Person spell. The freed beastmen demonstrated their new allegiance by first dismembering their master and then helping the adventurers slaughter the surviving smugglers to a man.

With the battle over, the adventurers thanked the Brugor for their assistance. The hulking mutants expressed gratitude in Neutral, before leaving the dungeon to find their tribe in the surrounding hills. The party gathered an appreciable stockpile of smuggled valuables, whilst Cornyx cremated their dead foes - singing curses to burn their rotten souls in the afterlife. 

As the barbarian conducted his rites, Holmen discovered a shrine to Great Moon, the patron goddess of burglars, murderers and other nighttime ne'er-do-wells. Noticing an empty offering bowl, the doctor  placed an empty coin purse into it - reasoning that no worshipper of a thief-goddess would willingly give away hard-earned treasure. He heard an effeminate chuckle from the shrine, before it cracked open and released a mercurial liquid into the bowl. A quick test revealed it to be an invisibility potion, which the grinning surgeon quickly bottled up.

Ball Park Music

With the fighting done and the Manor of Montecruz retaken, the party split their loot, ransomed their captives and discussed what to do next. Yvonne and Cornyx chose to go their separate ways; the wizard staying to rebuild her family's ancestral manse whilst the priest went on a pilgrimage to digest his near-death experience. 

But Dr. Holmen, Malakai and Vee decided their adventuring days weren't over, not yet. Word of their exploits would no doubt spread, bringing grander adventurers to come. 

This was the final session of an abortive attempt at a broader campaign. Yvonne and Cornyx's players disliked the rules of Begone FOE!, and the OSR genre itself. Fortunately, although they decided to leave the game, my other three players were happy to continue playing.

So instead of continuing my planned campaign, I chose to run them through a self-contained scenario, inspired by Mellonbread's minidungeons. I'll be writing more play reports for that scenario, plus a proper masterpost for when we finish playtesting it.

I'm also considering creating a review for the "Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh" on this blog. The module's flaws outweighed its positives, creating a poor introduction to old-school gaming for my players. Either way, here's the custom maps I used for running it, as previously promised.

Ghost Town Gunfight

Fallout: New Vegas

Four federal agents stood on the eastern side of Rogers Dry Lake, shivering in the freezing cold of the Mojave night. Agent Smith doled out freshly milled bullets of nickel and iron, a crude imitation of the “sky metal” their quarry was weak to. Allegedly. 

Agent Deacon memorised the antiquated Japanese needed to summon the entity to their location, from wherever it was currently hunting hapless Californians. Meanwhile, Agent Thorn busied herself with a hastily assembled binding ritual, greedily hoping to establish control over whatever her coworker manifested from beyond the veil.

Finally, Agent Leon dug an entrenched position for the conspirators’ insurance policy - an M2 Browning he’d liberated from the base armory with bogus paperwork. As far as Edwards AFB knew, this was all just a live-fire exercise on the lakebed that they weren’t cleared for.

With all the pieces on the board, Deacon stubbed out his cheap cigarette and enunciated the summoning ritual. Nothing happened. He cleared his cancer-ridden throat nervously, unsure whether his learnt-by-rote phonetic pronunciation had been sufficient. Then there was a burst of Cherenkov radiation above a stretch of desert barely two dozen yards away.

The thing was huge; a slab of crimson flesh clutching a wooden bludgeon in clawed hands. And it was fast - faster than any of them. Its cinder-block feet crunched through dried earth, easily dodging fire from Leon’s machine gun, and was upon Deacon in an instant. The panicked G-man raised his shotgun, revealing a tree-branch-like symbol he’d affixed below the barrel. 

The ogre glanced at the sigil. It laughed.

Katsushika Hokusai

Deacon fired at it. His gun exploded. The poorly made nickel-iron slug had destroyed the barrel. He cursed Smith and his stupid fucking plan as the monster’s kanabō came down, sending a tangled mess of broken bones flying into a sandbank.

Thorn desperately shrieked out the lengthy binding ritual, but was barely through a tenth of it by the time Deacon was struck down. Ignoring its would-be-master, the oni charged down Agent Smith as the terrified ranger’s shots went wide. Before it had the chance to sunder his skull, Leon released another frantic burst of 50. BMG.

A spray of aerosolized blood and fleshy chunks filled the air. It wasn’t the demon’s - it was barely staggered by the bullets ricocheting off its skin. Agent Smith, hit by a stray round to the centre mass, had been torn in half. His bisected body thudded to the blood-soaked sand.

Leon couldn’t take it. The green-on-green incident cracked his already damaged mind, so he fired ineffectually until his barrel melted off and then fled screaming into the night.

Forgoing hypergeometry in favour of her rifle, Thorn abandoned the binding ritual and put a nickel-iron .308 round into the beast’s shoulder. The impact threw it off balance, giving her space to avoid the next swing of its terrifying war club. As the ranger attempted to cycle her weapon and fend off the ogre, Deacon struggled to his feet in spite of his shattered ribs.

Their greed had screwed them. Binding the murderous horror was no longer an option, it needed to go. Deacon staggered over to the ruined body of Smith, the mortally wounded agent seconds away from expiration. With a gurgled apology, Deacon drew a boot knife and hastened his end. Smearing the dead man’s blood into bizarre patterns, the half-mad FBI agent used his human sacrifice to fuel a brute-force banishment. What they should’ve done to begin with.

The oni roared in anger, but another slug of bootleg meteor from Thorn sent it staggering. Before it could regain its footing, it was grabbed by some unseen force and pulled through a pin-sized hole in reality. Deacon promptly collapsed comatose onto Smith’s ritually mutilated body.

He woke up hours later in the back seat of a Chevy Tahoe, lying in a mixture of sand, torn clothing and someone else's blood. Thorn was driving, but Leon was nowhere to be seen (he was busy being manhandled into a Edwards AFB police cruiser by a squad of blue berets). Deacon winced, but not because of his missing teammate or his three broken ribs. 

He’d lost his fucking smokes.

This is a partial after-action report of a N@TO game. I didn't run it, I was playing under #Misfit138. I just wanted to write up the finale of the session, as it was a great little clusterfuck. I was playing as Special Agent Deacon.

Manor of Montecruz - Session 1.5

Trudging through snow, four adventurers approached a decrepit mansion.

• Cornyx, a Level 1 Warrior-Priest. 

• Dr. Holmen, Level 1 Chirurgeon.

• Malakai, Level 1 Templar. 

• Yvonne, Level 1 Illusionist.

Yvonne was here to reclaim an ancestral birthright. The others were just hoping the tavern hearsay about a stash of alchemical gold was true (and that the rumour of ghostly hauntings wasn't). 

Water-clogged stormclouds blotted out the dying sun and a thick sea-mist had rolled in from the jagged coastline of the Empty Sea, so Cornyx lit his torch and Yvonne cast Light. They began a thorough perimeter sweep of the house, prying open boarded-up windows and searching for tracks. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, they carefully breached the main doors.

Art from TSR's "The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh"

The interior of Montecrux’s mansion was littered with bird shit, crumbled plasterboard and patches of mould. Despite the dismal conditions, the party noted the stonework of the building was still of sound construction. The same couldn’t be said of the main staircase snaking up to the second floor, whose steps were rotten and decayed. Seeing no immediate dangers beyond the architectural, the party split up to clear the first floor of threats and search for valuables. 

Yvonne and Malakai began sorting through the manor’s library, finding a trio of magical treatises that, if refurbished, could be sold for a healthy sum of silver. Meanwhile, Cornyx sifted through a document-laden drawer in the study - finding a hidden compartment containing a vial of liquid with the appearance of blood-tainted sea water. Dr. Holmen begged him not to engage in the rigorous scientific test of “sipping some” until after they had cleared the dungeon. The fur-clad zealot begrudgingly agreed, stashing the unidentified potion for later.

As Yvonne and Malakai left the library, they heard an ear-splitting screech from the next room. Rallying with the others, they searched the adjoining sitting room but came up empty-handed. Muttering to themselves about ghosts, they searched the rest of the floor carefully, finding a kitchen, wash-room, refectory, sauna and stairway to a basement.

Right before they finished their sweep, a loud crashing noise came from down a hallway - caused by a giant driver ant gnawing its way through a boarded-up window.

The critter gnashed its jaws at them in a territorial display, before retreating into an unexplored side room. The insect was a bizarre sight - someone had obviously dressed it up in heavy furs (even adorning its foremost leg with a shiny silver necklace) and the thing had a cordyceps-like fungus growing out of its head. 

Eyeing the ant’s jewellery with avarice, the adventurers chased after it, entering a debris-stridden room whose fireplace was filled with yellow mould. Malakai and Cornyx braved the clacking of the ant’s massive mandibles; hacking it to death with their blades. Its mutilated corpse fell backwards into the thick carpet of mould and kicked up a cloud of spores. Unwilling to risk death from respiratory failure, they threw burning pitch onto the patch of fungus and left to let it burn off.

Soon after, the party began to hear noises from above them as well. Dr. Holmen’s keen ears picked out two sources of sound - muffled cries for help and the skittering of some many-legged thing, too light on its feet to be another driver ant. He presumed it was a giant spider, eliciting nervous muttering from the assembled mercenaries.

Steeling themselves, they readied weapons and carefully advanced to the second floor.

More art from the Sinister Secret

The upper storey windows were unboarded - providing weak lighting from the world’s dying sun. The adventurers crept down a hallway, checking the two rooms on their right and discovering near identical chests in each. Voicing concerns about mimics, Cornyx, Dr. Holmen and Malakai all piled into the first room, spending several minutes interrogating every detail about the chests. Meanwhile Yvonne was left alone to guard the hallway, armed with nothing but a staff with Light cast on it.

As she glanced back to the dithering of her comrades, she heard a scuttling noise down the hall - turning to see the second floor’s eight-legged resident trying to bushwhack her. She grabbed Dr. Holmen to use as an impromptu human-shield, but he pushed the panicked wizard away. Thankfully the spider missed Yvonne - its spray of webs instead ripping out a section of ceiling and showering her with plaster dust. It then retreated, using the plume of debris to cover its escape.

Accepting that the chest probably wasn’t a disguised aberration, the adventurers decided to deal with the immediate threat first. However, before they could pursue Yvonne’s arachnid attacker, they heard gabbering in an unknown dialect approaching their rear. Taking cover, they saw four spear-wielding humanoids stagger up the staircase. The diminutive creatures were fungal in origin - flesh the consistency of mashed potatoes and glue.

The Moss Goblins!

Though Dr. Holmen didn’t understand these Moss-Goblins' language, the cadence of their shouts sounded like someone calling out for a lost dog. The party, realizing that they’d probably beaten these creatures’ insectoid pet to death, decided to double down on violent solutions and launched an ambush. Under a flurry of crossbow bolts, sword blades and throwing axes, three Moss-Goblins perished messily.

The lone survivor barely escaped with its life, fleeing in terror back down the staircase. 

Satisfied their flank was secure from wandering monsters, the mercenaries stacked up on the web-covered doorway to the spider’s den. Cornyx, waving a torch and screaming prayers to the Living Flame, breached the door. He saw a human-sized bundle of webs yelling for help in the corner, whilst the spider hid deeper in the room.

The priest ripped the hostage free, but not before the spider leapt out and scored a savage bite into his chest. Yvonne and Dr. Holmen daisy-chained a flask of incendiaries to Malakai, who tossed it past Cornyx into the room - covering the webs in tar pitch.

Additional Sinister Secret art

Kicking the spider away, Cornyx dragged the unknown man through the door - tossing his torch into the sticky morass of flammable pitch as he did so. After Malakai slammed the door shut, the party heard the monster’s last panicked movements before its nest was totally consumed by flame. 

Thankfully the house was ice-ridden enough to not combust, so the adventurers had a spare moment to patch up Cornyx’s injuries and interrogate their rescuee. The man said his name was “Ned” and that he was a mushroom forager from Restenburn who had foolishly taken shelter in the manor. When asked where his supplies, mushrooms and other equipment was, he claimed that Cornyx must’ve burned it all along with the spider. Unable to confirm or deny Ned's story, the party ignored his pleas for everyone to flee the haunted manor and press-ganged him into being their torchbearer.

Searching the now cleared floor, the adventurers found no mimics. But they did find a scroll of Hold Person and a stash of recently-hidden diamonds which Ned desperately claimed no knowledge of (no-one believed him). Yvonne also recovered four paintings from an old art gallery, all created by James Montecrux himself. The first three were beautiful depictions of the mansion before the coming of the Eternal Winter - definitely valuable, but she staunchly refused to sell any of her ancestor’s creations. The last was half-finished, but appeared to depict a sea cave looking out onto the Empty Sea. 

Making their way back downstairs, the adventurers stopped briefly to recover loot from the smouldering corpse of the dead ant (including its massive mandibles, which Dr. Holmen harvested for later use). The party soon arrived at the basement stairs. As Malakai took the first step, a bone-chilling scream emerged from the dark cellar - rapidly approaching the foot of the stairs.

Ned begged everyone to retreat, but Yvonne produced the scroll of Detect Magic that she’d liberated from Sir Hancock’s corpse and smugly identified the noise as a Magic Mouth spell. Casting Light on a brick, she tossed it down the stairs - illuminating a section of a dusty wine cellar.

The adventurers descended into the decrepit basement, noticing a plate-mail clad corpse collapsed among the remains of a wine rack. The man was dressed similarly to Malakai, in the vestments of the Crucified God’s followers. He was also several days dead - his neck horribly broken from where something had violently thrown him into the wine rack. With Detect Magic still active, Yvonne announced that the armour was in fact enchanted - although she couldn’t yet tell with what.

As the wizard knelt down to perform a thorough arcane appraisal, the other adventurers busied themselves searching for loot stashes and secret doors. After all, a horde of alchemical gold might actually be hidden here if someone had cast a 2nd Level spell to ward the basement against intrusion. Their diligence was rewarded, as Malakai announced he’d found a camouflaged door on the far wall.

This caused Ned to groan audibly, before throwing his torch at Yvonne and trying to flee back up the stairs. He only made it two steps before Cornyx body-slammed him into unconsciousness. The adventurers breathed a sigh of relief upon realising their traitorous conscript had missed Yvonne with his improvised missile, instead striking the dead crusader. Then the wizard screamed a warning that she’d identified the “enchantment” - an Animate Objects curse.

Y-17 Trauma Harness

The torch’s impact awoke the bewitched armour; it surged to its feet and threw a punch that would’ve caved Yvonne’s chest in if she hadn't scrambled out of the way. Thanks to her advice, Cornyx and Malakai knew armour was the threat (not the dead templar imprisoned in it) so they showered attacks onto its joints - severing an arm.

The armour gave as good as it got, delivering a gut-punch that would’ve ruptured Cornyx’s internal organs if he hadn’t no-sold it by channeling the Living Flame. Before the construct could wind up another haymaker, Dr. Holmen scooped up the Light-enchanted brick from the floor and pitched it straight into its dented chestplate.

The “magical” brick impacted with a burst of crackling energy, causing the armour to collapse into a smouldering pile of wreckage. Yvonne, having recovered from her near death experience, began hypothesising how the Light spell might’ve somehow reacted with the armour’s curse. Meanwhile, Malakai gave the mutilated body its last rites, Cornyx ate half a ration (burning the rest as a sacrifice to the Living Flame) and Dr. Holmen listened at the secret door, confirming that no one had audibly reacted to the commotion of battle.

Rallying themselves for a confrontation, and leaving the concussed Ned tied up on the floor, the party threw open the secret door and surged inside the hidden room. Within was a sight completely different from the rest of Montecrux’s Manor, a large, well-lit and relatively clean basement. It had a table, foodstocks, fireplace and a row of beds that were obviously being used as living quarters for a dozen people. Indeed, one of them was staring straight at the party, mouth agape.

Even more art from the Sinister Secret!

The heavily tattooed stranger lurched up from his chair and ran towards a door on the opposite side of the room - likely to fetch reinforcements. Malakai produced a pistol (also liberated from Sir Hancock’s corpse) and demanded he surrender.

The man told Malakai to go fuck himself, so Cornyx threw a nearby bar stool at him, cracking the man painfully in the back. Malakai followed suit, throwing a chair at the man’s legs, causing him to fall and smash his head on the stone floor. They ran up to disarm him, but he was already twitching fitfully in a rapidly-expanding pool of blood.

With the threat eliminated, the party swept the room - finding a small stash of smuggled goods from the Central Territories, silks and alcohol mostly. Yvonne swore under her breath; a gang of criminals must be using her dead ancestor’s manor to run a smuggling ring. They also found a secret passage to the sitting room where they'd heard the shriek from (in retrospect, definitely another Magic Mouth ward).

Aside from the double-doors the smuggler had run towards, the basement also contained an entrance to a small bedroom and a boarded-up doorway which had “DANGER. DON’T FUCKING OPEN IT.” scrawled on it in the common-tongue.

As Yvonne began to search the bedroom and the meat-shields stared warily at the fortified door, Dr. Holmen knelt next to the double-doors and listened carefully for any reinforcements. He didn’t hear any sound of activity, but he did smell something.

The sea.

I used a modified version of TSR's "The Sinister Secret of Saltmarsh" for this starting dungeon. I think it's OK, but can be quite linear and lacks any meaningful opportunity to engage in negotiation or similar non-combat gameplay.

Still, as something to launch into for the first session, you could definitely do a lot worse. Once I've finished running my players through this dungeon, I'll attach the hand-drawn maps - of varying quality - that I used in this session.

Manor of Montecruz - Session 1

The world grows cold. 

A decade ago a new Ice Age began, dubbed the “Eternal Winter” by those who survived the subsequent famine, social upheaval and mass violence. Madmen whisper that the Sun is dying, its energy devoured by a nameless entity from beyond the stars.

Most of mankind fled to the “Central Territories” - hot, equatorial land with rich soil that can still support crops. But the Territories are densely overpopulated, riddled with starvation and disease, and ruled by a sorcerous madman. So many instead seek out a life in the “Frontier”, the icy extent of the known world. 

Frostpunk Concept Art

The river barge came to a sudden halt. Molan Tala, the dark-skinned woman from the Territories helming the ship, shivered in the cold as she consulted her Pseudodragon. It had recently returned from one of its bouts of aerial scouting, and it whispered something into her ear. Frowning, she turned to those hired to protect the barge on its route to the city of Restenburn:

• Brother Cornyx, Level 1 Warrior-Priest of the Living Flame. 

• Dr. Holmen, Level 1 Chirurgeon.

• Sir Malakai, Level 1 Templar of the Crucified God. 

• Yvonne Montecruz, Level 1 Illusionist.

All four adventurers had their reasons for fleeing the Territories, chief among them the Wizard of the Pale Tower. Since seizing power, the crazed sorcerer-tyrant had outlawed all religions that didn’t worship him as the One True God, and made a habit of executing any rival magic user who refused to bend the knee. At least, in this icy hell-hole, they could escape his long reach. 

Molan’s Pseudodragon squealed an explanation in its uncanny mimicry of human speech: there was a suspicious blockage beyond the next bend in the Resten River. Molan directed the mercenaries to deal with it, whilst she and her two brothers, Ali and Hakim, guarded the boat. When the Pseudodragon was asked why the obstruction was unusual, the reptile squawked that it was shiny and smelled weird.

The adventurers groaned. That didn’t sound good.

A short hike through the freezing wilderness confirmed their suspicions. A naval chain stretched taut across the river, threatening any ship which tried to force a way through. The chain was anchored to a crank inside a fortified camp, consisting of three tents behind a log palisade. Within, two bow-wielding men were visibly keeping a watch on the treeline. Dr. Holem noted their steamy breath was both unusually hot and reeked of the rotten-egg smell of stinkdamp.

The Siege of Derry

After dithering for several minutes and nearly getting spotted, Malakai and Yvonne decided to approach the camp - eliciting a cry from the sentries to identify themselves “in the name of Morlock the Lawgiver, the rightful Baron of Restenburn!”. The rest of the camp soon woke up and readied themselves for a confrontation; four more rebels armed with spears and axes, plus a chainmail-clad warrior clutching a flintlock pistol and falchion - the ragtag outpost’s commander.

The pair explained themselves to the commander, who introduced his men as the “Brotherhood of the Lawgiver” and himself as “Sir Hancock”. Hancock claimed the Brotherhood was fighting a war of liberation against Restenburn's town council, who had launched a coup after the previous Baron died on campaign 5 years ago. Yes, the traitors had imprisoned the late Baron's youngest daughter and wife, but the eldest daughter had escaped and married the Lawgiver. Hence, Morlock was the legitimate ruler of this land and, as his representatives, the Brotherhood would need to inspect the barge (and confiscate cargo for the war effort). The two adventurers said they’d tell their vessel to comply with the search, and departed without mentioning Cornyx or Dr. Holmen - both still hiding in the treeline.

Soon, the barge rounded the riverbend and dropped anchor. The rebels prepared their inspection, with Hancock producing a scroll of Detect Magic and demanding the crew lay down their weapons. They agreed, and Yvonne soon approached the assembled paramilitaries with a piece of parchment, explaining she held the ship’s cargo manifest. As the boarding squad expectantly stepped forward to examine it, they were promptly blasted in the face with her disguised scroll of Colour Spray.

With half the outpost now suffering from grand mal seizures, the ambush was swift and bloody. Cornyx burst from his concealed position and embedded his fokos in the neck of a sentry, whilst the disorientated Hancock had his throat opened by Malakai’s bastard sword. The commander collapsed to the ground, his wound spewing foul-smelling sulphurous smoke. The surviving rebels threw down their weapons and pleaded for their lives, barring the man who tried to flee for the treeline. He made it four paces before Dr. Holmen’s crossbow bolt punctured his occipital bone.

The adventurers took stock of the aftermath - four prisoners and their stash of stolen trade goods wasn’t a bad haul. Dr. Holmen, for his part, conducted an impromptu autopsy of a dead soldier - discovering their body had been colonised by a symbiotic, sulphur-based organism. It granted them immunity to poison and resistance to the cold, along with God-knows-what-else. Upon interrogation, the prisoners explained it was a blessing from the Lawgiver, received after drinking a foul-smelling golden liquid during the Brotherhood's initiation rites. The adventurers filed that information away for later, reboarded the barge, and left before rebel reinforcements arrived.

Two uneventful days later, they arrived at Restenburn. The Frontier city was an imposing sight, built upon cyclopean ruins that dated far before the earliest recorded settlement of the area. Restenburn Keep towered above the rest of the town, constructed from a massive pair of hollow stone towers standing over 150m tall. Even more impressive was the network of hissing steam pipes crisscrossing the settlement, providing the heat necessary to sustain life in the frozen Frontier. The pipes all originated from a semi-spherical brick building adjacent to the hollow towers. Clearly there was some form of magic at play, generating all this heat.

The barge sailed below a fortified exterior bridge which was protected by the flinty-eyed soldiers of the “Wallmen”, Restenburn’s town guard (read: military junta), and their alchemical flamethrowers. Passing unaccosted, they docked with the Crescent Moon, a merchant vessel anchored in the harbour. Here, the party was greeted by Khadiga Tala, the merchant who’d hired them for the protection job.

Smiling with a mouth full of glittering silver teeth, she waved over the buyers of the cargo - a strange group of wizards wearing lead-plated robes. They introduced themselves as the “Nurturers of the Sacred Glow”, unloaded numerous small lead boxes from the barge, and carefully carried them towards the steam-pipe building.

Satisfied with their execution of the contract, Khadiga paid the party and offered to buy the loot they’d “liberated” from the rebels, albeit with the usual 25% import tariff. Else they could try their luck with the Wallmen (who’d probably just confiscate it all without paying a dime). The adventurers agreed to her deal, whilst also deciding to exchange their rebel prisoners for a sizable bounty with the Wallmen at Restenburn Keep. At the end of the day’s escapades, they’d accumulated enough money to indulge in some much needed hot baths and strong drinks.

By the following morning, the soldiers of fortune were relaxing in a well-heated tavern; sipping mulled wine, nibbling spiced fish and being wholly unsure of what to do next. Yvonne took the opportunity to make a proposal to the assembled mercenaries:

She’d travelled to the Frontier to inherit the abandoned manor of her second-uncle, James Montecruz, a powerful alchemist who was thought to be dead (he’d been missing for half-a-decade). Yvonne wanted help reclaiming her ancestral manse, and offered an equal share of any treasure recovered as compensation. It quickly came to light that Restenburn was abound with rumours about the old manor hiding hordes of alchemical gold and it being haunted by soul-devouring ghosts raised up by Montecruz's unspeakable sorceries. This only served to further pique the interest of her fellow adventurers, so all three agreed to lend their support.

Without further ado, they purchased some additional equipment, hired a handcart and struck out into the icy Frontier - seeking the Manor of Montecruz.

The River Chain Encounter

(This was the first session of a campaign using Mellonbread's Begone FOE! system for playing OSR-style D&D. It did go for nearly ~6 hours, so I’ll be splitting the game report into two separate posts for the sake of readability and ease of reference.)